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Position:Home>Poetry> Help Me With My Poem?Question: Help Me With My Poem!? I was wondering if someone could critique my poem or make some suggestions!. I don't know if I like where it ended up or not, and I'd like some second opinions!.
http://www!.poetspassion!.com/mypoem!.htm!?C!.!.!. ^There's the link where it's located!. Thanks again, everyone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: i like it, but I agree where you left off it weird!. if youre talking about lightning dancing for a person (whom u seem to love) you should go on to say that maybe one day you could be like the lightning or something!. and they'd give u some attention!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Messed up tying to get to you , love your poem , love storms take some of the and's the's and as's out it's not proper English it's feeling, such as " great drums,,," And The thunder rolling !.!.!.!.!. people will hear it you don't have to tell them to listen As the sands sweep Watch with sparks n your eyes Hope I can be understood not every computer savvy and tried to put you poem up so I could quote it better Taking those little unnecessary words out makes the poem more dramatic and lightening is very dramatic Question; I always thought of Storm colors being greens purples blues blacks, but browns!?!?!? Email if you need me theresethais@yahoo!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com I like it but to be honest!.!.!.Id say be more simple with some of the wording!. The first line gave me the impression that it would be written in verse!. I can't put my finger on why, but I was a little disappointed that it wasn't!. But that is just a first line!. I have more of the Edgar Allen Poe taste in poetry and yours is a modern style which is fine!. I would definitely love to see the same poem but with uniformity in syllables!. But that is only because I am geared more toward the classical style!.Www@QuestionHome@Com This particular work fades at the end!. There should be something in the middle like this: As the temperatures cools, clouds roll across the sky With sounds of thunder like the fourth of July The dunes are illuminated as lightning fills the sky With the visual appearance of the fourth of July You can run for cover so the lightning won't hit cha Or stand there and smile while God takes your picture Some people are afraid at this time, some think it's nice Most of us never hope lightning strikes the same place twiceWww@QuestionHome@Com luke, that is a really good poem, and i don't think that you need to change ANYTHING about it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |