Check out poem, what you think of it?

Question: Check out poem, what you think of it!?

With the waters that bathe hate
With the airs that exhales lying
Begins the embryo of a gate
that protects the shelter of truth

Repetition in its constant gatling
Stops for those you seek to be ill
only the wounds of soil
only the ticking of some time
will stop this restart of an empire!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Hmmm, the first stanza basically says that hate and lying create a gate that shelters truth!.!.!.tough sell!. If you said, "that entombs the heart of truth", yeah, I could see that, but you've stated just the opposite by saying "shelter"!. Take another look at it and make sure you're saying what you meant!.

"gatling" is not a word found in the dictionary!.!.!.I would assume you meant "the rapid repetition as from a Gatling gun", but it's a concept that might get lost if someone tried to simply look it up!. You go on to say, "stops for those you seek to be ill"!.!.!.does that mean that repetition would prevent those same people from "becoming ill"!?

You use some good images, but your meaning is indeterminate!.!.!.and I have read it several times to see what I missed!. I do "like" the sound of it, but it's inside out in some parts and if you'd like to make it better, I'd recommend reviewing it to ensure it really says what you mean to convey to your readers!.

!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wonderful, I loved it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com