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Question: Please offer your opinion it really matters!.!.!.!!!!?
A silent drama
A silent cry
Fate was the director
The actors were too shy!?
Why did he lose!?
This round against fate
Plan A didn’t work
Plan B has to wait
It's a feeling after all
It has no taste
He should have waited for growth
He should not have made haste
If it were to evolve
It would look like a rose
A dainty figure
Like her I suppose
Its fragrance would be just like her
moving as the sun to sunflowers
as new aromas emerge
maturing with april showers
That touch of this feeling!.!.!.
so sensual and fragile
demanding a touch
to sculpture her smile
----------------
The acts themselves
were black and white
not crystal clear
but two emotions that fight
One scene, however,
Defies all doubts
The actor connected, then
He displayed what he was about
His feeling was clear
but it pulled him off the track
he was a different person
A feeling she liked he now lacks!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You have some really great lines in this poem, such as sun to sunflower, to sculpture her smile!. The only error I find with this,!. and I must say it is a big one, is that this poem is too long for the style you chose, and the fact that it is very abstract makes the reader lose interest as they read!. I get a vague idea of what you;re talking about, but it is disjointed , as the poem reads like I am an outsider looking through a window, seeing the gestures a family makes at the dinner table, but not hearing their words!. You sound like you have a firm grip on vocabulary and sentence structure, but just need to organize your ideas better and use more imagery to give the reader an experience!.
When I first started reading this, I pictured an actor getting chosen during rehearsals to play a part!. Then to me it sounded as if he didn't start off doing such a great job, then it jumps to a female, sculpted, sensuous, but who is this female!? My guess, (and it's only a guess) is that she is the actress in the play, and the two of you are doing a scene!? There is a slight inference that you have feelings for her, but again, there is not enough in the poem to tell me this!. Just short lines that only you can understand!. I hope I helped!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
ahahha pretty funny and clever!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not bad!. Call me im on fire!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Fantastic,what a great poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
An overload of info!.!.!.lol The best advice I can give you is to try and make your lines more symmetrical!. In other words make it sound almost sing-songy!. I could never catch the rhythm!. That might be me!.!.!.I've been playing with words all day and may be tired!. I love the general meaning of the poem, but would shorten it a bit!. Keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com