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Question: My first "happy" poem!.!.!.PLEASE help!!!?
Okay, a few people (on and off of Yahoo) have asked me to write a poem that isn't sad or morose!. So, this is my first attempt, and I'm unsure of whether I should keep writing positive things- this one seems a bit cliche, but you'll help me figure it out, right!? The comments on this poem will decide my next attempt at a cheerful poem!. If I fail, I will hang up my happy face badge for sure
(Searching for a good title)
A bright palette adorns my skies,
Your soft embrace and dancing eyes!.
Arched, gentle, you cradle my heart,
Beauty complete in all your parts!.
I ache, needing to hold you close,
Your passive charm, a lethal dose,
Your smile is everywhere to me,
The air I breathe, the world I see!.
Your violet moods, blood red lips,
Hands outstretched to my sinking ship!.
I'd drown without you, my sole light,
Your absence leaves pale black and white!.
Yet, when it rains, the sun shines through,
To leave behind a perfect you!.
Always present, both high and low,
You're my miracle, my rainbow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
k, ready!?
title ideas:
(My) Rainbow
(A)(My)Miracle
Wonder
After it Rains
or if you want a slightly sarcastic approach: Let's Be Cliche
Syllables and accenting:
1!. Your third line's accenting is off but if you read it right, you can get away with it!. If you care about it you can change it to:
-You are a cradle for my heart
-A gentle cradle for my heart
-A colored crib that rocks my heart (kind of strange!.)
-A cradle sheltering my heart
2!. So is the fourth line!. Beauty is supposed to be stressed as BEAUty, but in the poem you'd read it as beauTY!. You could change it to:
-Perfection whole in all your parts
-Your grace complete in all your parts
3!. The fifth line's 'needing' has the same problem as beauty!.
you could change it to:
I ache; I need to hold you close
I ache; I yearn to hold you close
I'm hungering to hold you close
My heart yearns just to hold you close
4!. You're missing a syllable in the ninth line, when i read it i feel this blank space between 'mood' and 'blood'!. If that bothers you, you could try:
-Your violet moods, your blood red lips
-Your violet moods and blood red lips
-Your violet moods leave blood red lips
4!. When you read from line 14 to line 15, you need to say 'alWAYS' because of the number of syllables in the line!. to avoid reading it like that, you can cut out the 'both'!.
5!. 'miracle' has to be read either with funky accenting or really fast the way it is now!. You could try:
You're unearthly, my rainbow
You're my wonder, my rainbow
Very well done! it's just as good as the other sad poem i commented on!. You seem to like eight-syllable-lined poems!. for a stretcher, try something with ten or six syllables, or unrhyming poems, it'll develop your technical skills!.
Great job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh my, I remembered hearing you did have a nack for writing poetry, and I must admit you're very talented and have such a huge vocabulary!. (I had to look up some of the words off from the web)
I for one might appreciate your "sad or morose" poetry a little more if it's just as good as this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is a beautiful poem I wish I wrote omg this is a perfect poem I've been reading poetry and analyzing for like an hour and this is the only one I like you should get it published god I wish I wrote this its genuis sorry I write alot of poetry but I put mine on poetry!.com if you wanna read mine let me know and I'll tell how to get to my poetryWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it very much!. I might tinker with the wording!.!.!.an ongoing adventure but this is almost to final status!. I might think of a different word that rainbow to end on!.!.!.it is a bit cliche'!. Other than that !.!.!.Bravo!. I enjoyed this very much!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That's amazing to me!. You're really good!. :]
Continue with the happy, I love it!.
Title: Lost Without You
Good Luck!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very nice!. Most poems don't make sense to me, but yours do!. Keep it up, girlWww@QuestionHome@Com
Wow! That is and incredicle poem! =] I definetly like happy poems more than sad ones!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow! Don't you dare give up happy! the last stanza was
wonderful, at your age now you will soar in the future!.
This is a Kudos, BlessingsWww@QuestionHome@Com
Smiling Soul!.!.!.!.!.i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com