All you bored poets out there, comment on mine please? =DD?

Question: All you bored poets out there, comment on mine please!? =DD!?

I woke up one
Afternoon
And the sky was burning
Red
Orange was the moon
Up above, flaring!.
It wasn't normal,
I thought, thinking deep
What's happening!?
Then I went back to
SleepWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I was good up until the last two lines!. Let's just say "anti-climax" came to mind!. Which isn't really the problem, just that it feels incomplete as a result!.

I didn't like the one word lines much either!. I think it's just that I would like each line to have somewhat even weight in terms of what's there!. It breaks up the reading weirdly when there's only one word in the line and they don't seem to be necessary!. I can see why "Red" might be on its own, but "afternoon" could be put into the first line without breaking up the flow!.

Red followed by orange was also a little odd just because the shift in color comes so quickly!.

"I thought, thinking deep" is another clunky line just because of the two words in the middle being essentially the same thing!. it's redundent!.

Other than that, i like the thought process in the poem!. I'm just not entirely sure I know what's going on and a title would add to that immensely, as well as a little more substance in the poem for background purposes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like the descriptive use of your words, the ending just seems to drop off!. I like it and was hoping for a little more lines to read!.

Keep on writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very odd so much can be inquired by this i like it but still even i dont understan it and seriously its odd in a beautiful wayWww@QuestionHome@Com