Rate my poem 1 - 10 tell me what you think?

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Question:

I am a 13 year old boy!. I really like to write and my life for the most part is pretty messed up so I like to write it makes me feel happy again!.

The Pain

I learned something today!.
Athough it hurts me deep inside!.
I can't seem to find a single person
In which I can confide,
Is it their fought!?
No it's mine!.
Problems in which can't be solved,
But may inprove over time!.
Secrets I conseal in which no one will ever know!.
Many burdens in my life apon me they bestow!.
Why must I feel alone,
In this short life I must live!?
Authough my many apologies!.
Some just won't forgive!.
I took my friends for granted,
Until they where no longer there!.
I live without them everyday,
For it's to much to bear!.
My friends continue to leave me!.
Slowly one by one!.
I think the sadness is over,
But the pain has just begun!.
6 minutes ago - 3 days left to answerWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I'm sorry I missed your note that you're 13!. This is a 10!. Everything is in context!. What I noticed first is your misspelled words!. I quickly skipped over them!. Typos, etc!. are not what poetry is all about!. I'm a terrible typer!. I know how to spell pretty well in my brain but not in my fingers!. You need to write poetry!. There is something about this poem that is essentially a poem, and you can't learn it!. What I personally like best and makes your poem about my favorite kind of poem, is your self-revelation!. This is my favorite aspect, because it is so intensely real!. You are portraying to us, your readers, a realization tha tyou have made some big mistakes!. You didn't understand at the time, but now, perhaps with age and/or experience you do!. And you know that they were mistakes, and that they come with a price that you are going to have to pay!. Self-revelation: but your attitude is superb!. you don't flail in self-pity, you don't run away, you don't overly-dramatize it all: you simply face it!. And at the age of 13, I believe that makes you a man!. Truth is, I did the same thing when I was your age: I did not appreciate my friends, and I lost a lot of them, simply because I let them go!. In addition to this, it is interesting that the poem ends without your having seen the end of the process: the pain has just begun - but also the healing, because "being able to identify the problem is half of solving it" and you have pro-actively dealt with the problem by speaking to yourself, rebuking yourself and facing it, like I said, like a man!. Many a wise man has said, "Success is the ability to rise up after falling!." I commend your attitude!. I think you will turn this problem around: indeed, I believe you already 3/4 of the way have!. And I like your poem very much!. Well done, my young friend!. BTW I am 4x as old as you, but time bears upon us all, and we can't turn it!. GBS I believe said, "Old age is terrible, but it is preferable to the alternative!." You are a very mature, I would say, perhaps, even a little precocious, in your outlook on life and your poetry both!. Hope to see more of your writing, if you have time!. Write more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Overall, I'll rate this a 6 because you definitely have great potential!. I felt your emotions that you conveyed in this poem, and you rhyme so naturally!. However, there are some serious grammatical and spelling errors that detract from this poem!. Plus, I think you should use more imagery in order to be less straightforward, and to make this poem more poetic!.

So, this is a good start- it just need some polishing!

Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I 'felt" your anguish!. You write well!. Sounds like you lost a friend that wasn't prepared to accept the apology that you offered!. All I can say is, "give them time" to think about it!. They may surprise you!. If all else fails, confide in your parents, if that is possible!. It may surprise you how smart they really are!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Oh god!.!.!.I think that is beginning to reflect my life!.!.!.Thank you!.!.!.I think I'm gonna go call my best friend and apologize now!.!.!.I give it an 8!. Maybe it'll get others to rethink their actions in recent days!.!.!.it's a penetrating poem in my life that's for certain!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'd give it a 6!.!.!. it is definitely a good start, and I would continue writing if I were you!. There are just some spelling errors that detract from your writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

much better than anything i could do!. sure its pretty emo, but that doesnt matter in my book long as its goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

1, but what do I know, I got a D+ in American Lit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

For only being 13 it is a pretty good poem but you should never post a poem with spelling errors, it makes the poem look bad and makes you look too lazy to look up the words you can't spell!. I give it a 5 because a 13 year old should have corrected the spelling!. The poem needs a little work!. You should put it in stanzas and not have just one long poem, it would read much better stanza by stanza!. It held my interest and that is what a poem should do but take a little time and work on it, it's worth the effort!.Www@QuestionHome@Com