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Question: Need help with poem!?
Like Mysterious Eyes
As hard as diamonds,
Taut, thin mouth,
Determined Lies
Fighter, is this!?
Matter it Must!?
Devoid of his presence
Lighter the world will be!.
My Wonder,
My Thoughts,
My Plan,
And My Thunder!.
Stir, whose force will!?
End, whose force will!?
Strong we will fight!.
Onward we will move!.
Blocking there will not!.
Little time, this will receive!.
Trouble, I trust for few men!.
Our numbers our lasting!.
We Stare
We Know
We Pray
And We declare
ITS TIME FOR WAR!!
Freedom we fight
Land we fight
We fight for each other
But riches we truly fight!.
Land has no ground
With no Money
Freedom has no cause
With no money
Freedom represents gold
Gold represents life
Our world means gold
Fighting we now will!.
Cries for aid
Yells of direction
Screams of pain
Last hopes in breaths!.
In front, the fighter
Last it screams
Voiceless goes through all
Without sensation is all that remains!.
This is my poem i need help making it better and i need a good title!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
great poem, it definitely has a mind of its own!. just a few suggestions:
1!. write a poem in the same way that you would say something in a conversation!. for example "blocking there will not" sounds awkward and very stilted; "there will be no blocking" sounds better and has a more active voice to it!.
2!. add punctuation throughout poem!. i noticed you added periods and exclamation points here and there, but you don't at other points!. if you don't add punctuation, that confuses anyone who is reading the poem as they don't know where the thought comes to an end at!.
3!. as for a title, I would recommend repeating your strongest/favorite line as the title!. my favorite line in the poem is "And My Thunder" solely because it carries so many strong and powerful connotations in those three simple words!. it would also make for a unique title in that it starts with "and" which is a rare yet interesting word to begin a title with!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
titles:
1!.we are all sheep
2!.you are a sheep i am just a sleep!. lol
okay seriously ,
3!.i'm not a peot i just try to be on yahoo! lol
okay okay sorry about that
how about :
4!.we forget that every war fought was for a gain!.
5!.wake up ya'll
6!. hidden freedom -voicless tiger!?
7!.we all need a hug
8!. cant we just get a long
9!. come on people now
10 smile on your brother
11!. everybody get together
12!. try to love one another, right now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com