Position:Home>Poetry> Is this a better poem than my last one?
Question: Is this a better poem than my last one!?
This is a re-post!.!.!.last time i got only two answers, so hopefully this one will fare better!. I like it, but then again, I'm quite egoistic, and I love most things that I write (at first)!. Please judge better than I have!
Fade to Black
A field of hatred, self-carnage,
Hidden behind these soulless eyes,
Meanings gone from this tear-soaked page,
Inner beatings, my silent cries!.
I could scream, but for the darkness,
That clouds my heart, my mouth, my skies!.
These cold tunnels, a black abyss,
Where I stumble, scared to rise!.
I'll embrace life's sweetest sorrow,
Alone, to forsake tomorrow!.
No one will even cry for me,
To water my unmarked grave!.
They'll simply turn away to breathe,
Air, happiness they never gave!.
Standing upon the ground above,
To let me pass alone, unloved!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think this has to be one of your best poems yet!. The title alone made me want to read more into it, and I did, and it was like every word was cloaked in a dark secrecy!. As I read, I felt that you were expressing doleful realities of death, drenched in the bitter-sweetness of a light, but dreadful foresight!.
One visible revise; I think you should change forsake tomorrow, to await!. Or leave it!. Your the pro here!.
How does some one get so good at writing as well as you do!?
Wow!. This is award winning, money making, profitable, dark poetry!. Trust me, the depressed theme is hard to sell, but with your talent, you could transcend the likes of Emily Dickensian!.
And I bet your not even out of high school yet!?
9!.6/10Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is very touching "I'll embrace life's sweetest sorrow"
Lovely line, yet goes on to forsake tomorrow, a double take,
"Air happiness they never gave!." which is sometimes true!.
Last stanza and line are very sad, hopefully never to happen to anyone!. you have a way with words for sure, hope to read
more of you in joy and love!. BlessingsWww@QuestionHome@Com
yes but do u like foccusing on negative things or sad things!.!.!.!?
ur a great poet thoughWww@QuestionHome@Com
great!.!.now write something positive and happy =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
If you ever published this work, I would buy it!. You're amazing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
yes!Www@QuestionHome@Com