| Question Home |
Position:Home>Poetry> A simple little poem. Is it too simple.?Question: A simple little poem!. Is it too simple!.!? "the plague"
Deep off in the distance, whispers of a fray!. Woke me from my nightly trance, I wish that it were May!. Leaping out of bed, sheets all slick with sweat!. A woman, hair of fiery red, a neighbor girl I bet!. As I banged my head, the sound of pounding feet!. "Bring out all your dead", smell of burning meat!. The plagues an awful death, who'd want to die like this!. Soon would come my final breath, I give my wife a kiss!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Very powerful and well paced but I think it's not quite as negative as it could be!. The plague destroyed lives in the most gruesome way and I think a little more description on the devastation it caused would help the emotional balance of the poem!. I've got to say that I love the confusion of the poem, lines like 'a neighbour girl I bet' which make slittle sense but at the same time stay true to the subject because at that time it wouldn't be unusual for neigbours to live together if someone in their family got the plague!. Overall I liked it and I hope my advice helped!.Www@QuestionHome@Com These are gentle words, somehow I don't like it!. You start off so well being awakened from deep sleep with 'noisy quarreling from a neighboring redhead, go through the banging of your head, smelly feet and breath and end up kissing your wife!. LOL if I am wrong again!. Knowing you, it could possibly be a dream!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I really liked it up until the last stanza!.!.!.I think another user suggested it too, but you need to be a bit more descriptive about what kind of pain, physical and emotional, that the plague brought people!. :P Other than that, it was really cool!. <3Www@QuestionHome@Com Simple!? No, quite the opposite, kissing the wife with your final breath and with the plague!. A fitting end for some wives, but not for mine!. I got a good one this time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Wow that is so deep!. I love this poem for the smooth flow from the end of one verse to another!. If you love this piece of work, then that's all that matters!.Www@QuestionHome@Com 5thats good no its not too simple its nice and deep i love itWww@QuestionHome@Com i think it has a little of both simple and i cant think of the word i want to use !.!.!.anyway good morningWww@QuestionHome@Com not at all!. i think it is very interesting and it sounds very original!. u should write more often!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's not too simple, but i prefer happier poems :P Other than that it's really good :)Www@QuestionHome@Com I actually really like it except for the second to last stanza, its good please rate my poem too :)Www@QuestionHome@Com not to simple it;s goodWww@QuestionHome@Com |