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Position:Home>Poetry> Do you like this?..what should i name it?Question: Do you like this!?!.!.what should i name it!? Come swing the time's
grand pendulum clock Sing the life songs at every milestone of another hour in merry or sad-but sing!. The golden pot melts,into dark sea waters!.!.to bloom in distant lands, pretty medows breathing spring's scented breeze The flowers in lifes garden may wither,but sprout from sacred sand of earth-the fountain of life-reincarnated into the nurturing GreenWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Bearing in mind that I think the way you write, I find breathtaking!. The second stanza makes no sense to me!. However, the first stanza Tells me this has the potential of a great poem!. The third stanza may need a little work, but what you’re actually saying, Ties in nicely to the first!. I have taken out the unnecessary words to demonstrate that your poem can be stronger without them, You have great poems I’m looking forward to reading your work, keep going, you will be Great! This is how I see it;- Come, swing the time's grand pendulum clock Sing life songs, at every milestone Another hour be merry or sad, but sing!. Before another life has flown The flowers in life’s garden wither, That sprouted, from sacred sands of earth, The fountain, of life re-incarnated, Become a nurturing green for birthWww@QuestionHome@Com yes, i do like this!. It is really well written!. It has a lovely flow to it!. One thing i think you could do to make it even better is to describe your poem in the poem a little more!. Amazing work, you should get this published!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like the flow and strong voice of the piece!. It speaks of nature and new life so I think "Nature's Clock" would be a good title!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com how about "Come Swing into the Scented Breeze of the Nurturing Green" I think is works cuz it uses words from each section hope this helpsWww@QuestionHome@Com why dont u call it natural life,haiku poem,or natures secrets!?Www@QuestionHome@Com A life of natureWww@QuestionHome@Com |