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Position:Home>Poetry> Please read my poem?!?!?!?Question: Please read my poem!?!!?!!?!!? My eyes have tingled all these years,
With memories and unwepted tears, Sometimes I feel like I'm too strong, Too weep when there is something wrong!. My pen speaks when my mouth's too scared, My heart thinks when my mind's unprepared, Why is it that a movie can Bring out my tears when my own loss can't!? Thank you for reading!. I wrote it very quickly when I was sad!. Comments please!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Very heartfelt, which is of utmost importance in writing most poetry!. I have felt this work's emotions in my own past!. I am well familiar with unwept tears! In line 4, I think the phrase you want is "To weep" rather than "Too weep"!. "Too" is the kind of "too" you would use in "too much" or "too little," whereas "to" is the one to use when you speak of "to do something!." Interestingly (and ironically) enough, in line 2, the newly-coined word "unwepted" which many would quickly criticize (including my email spell-checker) as not even being a word in real English, feels both right and appropriate in your poem -- It fits both your poem's mood and its message perfectly!. It just feels right!. Keep writing, friend poet: You have in you what gardeners would call "a start," which could gradually grow into something quite mighty!. barjesse37 fellow poetWww@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. I t speaks to me!. If this is what you can do in a rush, imgine what you can/will do when given more time to compose!. I like the first half beter than the second parragraph because of the thoughts and rhythm The second parragraph brings in movies which I find on a lesser deep level than the stinging eyes part!. The first parragraph is very deep and emotional but the movie things, surface/superficial!. But I do get it!. I too cry at movies (heck I cry at tv shows!) But that shows we are living vicariously through that medium!. We get into the movie and forget outrselves and weep with the characters!. Be happyWww@QuestionHome@Com very nice jobs weeping these tear so strong, for a song that speck so close to the truth of my heart!. thanks for this song and reminding me why i always weep with eyes so strong and full of rain !. but remember not why these tears that make you said, but only the one that bring you such joy and happiness , for these are the tears that shell bring you straight when all seem lost and no hope remains!. keep up the good work !.Www@QuestionHome@Com A few grammatical errors, Line 2: With memories of unwept tears!. (you had the tense wrong!) Line 4: To weep when there is something wrong!. (corrected use of 'too') Otherwise, i loved it! <3Www@QuestionHome@Com i'm a poet myself, and i must say its pretty good for being "quick", but i would compensate the blatant words for more detailed ones!. maybe use a thesaurus!? but good job anyways ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com I loved it and I can totally relate to it! Definitely one of the best poems I've read and trust me, I've read and wrote plenty Keep writing :) ~ChellyBelly?Www@QuestionHome@Com wow!.!.!.!. that is really good and touching!.!.!.!.you need to get it published or something, because its really!.!.!.!.wow!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Good!. Thanks for the advice on my poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com I've read it!. It is too unoriginal for me, and I had no connection with the poem!. Sorry, but keep writing thoughWww@QuestionHome@Com I think this is a great poem! U r a good writer! :) Great Job!Www@QuestionHome@Com i think it was a little too "rhymey", but over all it was really good :)Www@QuestionHome@Com Well done young lady!!Www@QuestionHome@Com i like it but i think you should add to it the ending is a bit abruptWww@QuestionHome@Com wow it's simple yet deep you have talent :DWww@QuestionHome@Com I think u did a very good job !Www@QuestionHome@Com |