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Question: Please Help Me Edit!!?
I'm not very good at this sort of thing!.!.!. so if anybody could help, I'd really be thankful!. I was just left after three years of being together by somebody who was getting deeper and deeper into drugs!. I made him choose me or them, and he didn't make the choice I wanted or was expecting!. Thank you, in advance, to anybody who can help me with this!. I really appriciate it!.
Eclipse
I’m the moon and you’re like the sun!.
I shimmer in the night, you shine after I’m done!.
But, the sun no longer looks at the moon with delight!.
In the darkness she wishes once again for that light!.
I’ve tried to come out during the day, to see your delight!.
Just as you’ve tried to find me during the night
If only one of us was earth, then we’d have a chance,
I’d brighten your night, and then we’d have romance!.
Or, if I were earth, you could warm me
Oh, how sweet that all would be!.
But it seems that when either of us does try
It doesn’t work, for we belong in the sky!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
this is very good!. I only edited a few this!. however I think you might want to change the ending!. I add and cut a line just a suggestion!.
Eclipse
I’m the moon and you’re like the sun!.
I shimmer in the night, you shine after I’m done!.
But, the sun no longer looks at the moon with delight!.
In the darkness, she wishes once again for that light!.
I’ve tried to come out during the day, to see your delight!.
Just as you’ve tried to find me during the night
If only one of us was earth, then we’d have a chance,
I’d brighten your night, and then we’d have romance!.
Or, if I were earth, you could warm me
Oh, how sweet that all would be!.
But it seems that when either of us does try
It doesn’t work, for we belong in the sky!.
So now, I’ll stay with my stars, sparkling and bright!.
I’m hurt and shattered, but I’ll be alright!.
I’ll piece together the heart that you broke,
While you’re lost with your clouds of smoke!.
You wish I was a cloud, I wish you were a star
But unfortunately that’s just not who we are!.
At times clouds will cover you, in a smoky haze
Lost under their veils they’ll cover your rays!.
No one can see your flaws though your flames
They can’t see that you lie and that you play games!.
You can see all my craters, everything that’s wrong
So, I just have to stand here and trying to be strong!.
You’ll find a cloud, and I’ll find a star one day,
It’ll be better, or at least easier that way!.
Still, now in the darkness I wish I had you!.
With my dim light, I hope you think of me too!.
You brightened my world, but now you want to be free!.
I’ll have memories and I’ll keep those with me!.
Eclipses are rare, but you never know when they’ll occur
It seems it was a chance in a lifetime as it were!.
I’ll wait in the dark as the moon
always hoping that it will be soon!.
I’ll always want another eclipse
I’ll always want to once again taste your lips!.
I’ll wait for you until you see,
That if you want it to be,
Become my star, and I’ll never leaveWww@QuestionHome@Com