Please comment?

Question: Please comment!?

Lying on white sands I watched the sun kiss
the sea at dusk of day; waves break and spray
jagged rocks which point up to a twilight sky,
gulls, no need to fly, ride the wind like sailing
ships that walk the sea in glow of dying sun!.

Embers of day fade and remove the mask of
sun's blinding light and heavens darken, night
dissolves the cloud sky and shows all creation,
feeding my imagination, star light which has
travelled through time itself shines in my eyes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

really good! keep writting!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love the words a subjects!. One suggestion, try splitting up the lines:
Lying on white sands
I watched the sun
kiss the sea at dusk of day;
Waves break and spray
jagged rocks which point
up to a twilight sky

you get the idea!. This will make it easier for readers to get the rhythm of the poem, and also make it easier to understand!.
I really like it though!.

p!.s!. comments on my poems!?

http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very beautifully written!. but is this just a description of the beach!? or is there some metaphor that im not getting!?

im not sure you should change it like canada gal suggested!. she is right though in that the line breaks come at points that disrupt the "rythym" of the poem!. but if thats what you are going for then ok!. it kind of makes you stop at the end and extends the poem!. this seems modernistic to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com