Position:Home>Poetry> Please Read two of my peoms and tell me if it's ok. Tell which one is better
Question: Please Read two of my peoms and tell me if it's ok!. Tell which one is better!.!?
JUST A BOY
He is just a boy
Trying to conquer life
He doesn’t know
Who he is or what he is
He is a lost little boy
Trying to figure himself out
Trying to understand life
Trying to play the game of life
He’s just a sad little boy
Trying to get life before life gets him
Thrusted upon life
A little bit too early
Never having a chance
To prepared for what may come
He’s just boy
Coming into this life
Without a dam clue
On what goes on
WHAT I'VE BECOME
I’m so sick to my stomach
That I can’t comprehend
Looking through my mirror
I can’t stand what I see
This what I’ve become
I’m nothing like I used to be
Not anything I remember
I’m not the same little girl
That used to play and laugh
I’ve become some you can’t recognize
I’m just a shadow
Hiding in the corner
Asking unanswered questions
To people I hate
While cutting lines through my arm
How could I let it get this far
I was once a living girl filled with love
Now I’m a girl consumed with self-hate
I can never go back
To who I was
This is my life
And what it’s become
I shall deal
The only way I know howWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think both have a common theme of 'desire for the childhood life!.' Every one has that desire some point in time in their life or another, and I've never read a poem about this subject, so I think both are very unique, and hit a cord down deep!.
I think the second one is showing your true self!. You shouldn't be ashamed to tell people your emotional problems, there are those that can help!.
Every line was just utterly amazing!. You paused in every single stanza right where the red light should be!.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your deep and oh so truthful work eventually!.
Your first one is about a boy who trying to grow up, but really doesn't want to because of all the major revelations that come with growth!.
And your second one is about a girl, grown up!. Has had all the tragic revelations, and wishes more despartly than the boy, for her childhood innocence to return!.
Terrific contrasts, and comparisons!.
1!. 7!.4/10
2!. 6!.3/10Www@QuestionHome@Com
The second is my fav!., both good though!
On the first one, I think it would sound better if it didnt say "trying to play the game of life" to me it sounds repetative and doesnt flow well!.
Keep writing, its wonderful! and good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com
ohhh! the second is really good!!
i like that!.!.!.!.!. good you can be a good poet!Www@QuestionHome@Com
The second one is quite good,but if you are really describing yourself,you should get some help!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The Second one is awesome! It Spreads your feelings and i like that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think the second one is good!. it tells people how u feel!.!.it goodWww@QuestionHome@Com