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Question: Lame love poem!? You tell me-!?
A night under the starry skies
Spent together in the park!.
I held you as I kissed your eyes
And spoke softly in the dark!.
Hold my hand, never let it go-
Never let this romance end!.
The moment you're not close to me
I'll have no love left to lend!.
And so we drank the night on in,
Tucked in snug beneath the moon!.
Where we end is where we begin,
And we'll start all over soon!.
To wake up with you next to me-
Now I might as well have died!.
All is clear, leaving me carefree
And happy with what's inside!.
-swoosh
Be honest!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
If I had to choose between loving and being loved in return on the one hand, and being a great poet on the other!.!.!.!. Well, you seem to have all of the first and have the other!. You're a wonderful poet except when you get all sappy about love!. But we* gotta love you for it!.
*I brought this matter before the Board of Directors of the Poetry Section, Department of Sweet Sentimentality!. They referred me to a ruling by a previous Chairman, who asserted that "love doth make fools of us all!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
Have to agree with your first poster, neonman, it flows so sweetly and it's simple and I really like it as well, but there are two hangups that feel a tad forced and I think you can let this breathe a bit and with a little re-working come up with a better 2nd stanza and a better last line in your 3rd!.
The first and fourth stanzas are just beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A love poem, to me, is never deep but should have flow and beauty in the words!. Overall I like!. Two items to look at: "I have no love left to lend" seemed forced and awkward from the line above!. "and we'll start over soon!." Soon, didn't sound right!. I am sure she will be pleased though!. Compliments!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is great!.!.!.not lame at all!. The only line I stumbled over (already mentioned above) was "I'll have no love left to lend!."Www@QuestionHome@Com