Position:Home>Poetry> Poem for fun?

I really like the whole idea of this poem, but it needs to be made a little clearer!.
I can see that you've tried to use the contrast of the inside and the outside, as bad and good and that's a great idea, but you need to work a little on it!. The fourth line for example, ruins this idea a little :
"On the outside are these dead plants you wish to bring back to life;" makes it seem that outside, too, is not the greatest place to be, whereas in the rest of the poem you tried to express it as the "perfect place", or at least that is the impression you have given to me, the reader!.

also, the way in which the poem is written is not consistent!. To start off, the gardener is talked about in third person "StepS outside", whereas later on the poem pretty much talks to this gardener: "dead plants YOU wish to bring back to life"!. If this is the way it is meant to be, I suggest you divide the poem into 3 clear parts:

"Gardener, ready with shovel and fake enthusiasm
Steps outside the horror of the house,
Covering its troubling insides with flowery dreams!.

On the outside are these dead plants you wish to bring back to life;
Though not enough to help you forget the reality in which you live!.
Wanting eyes never wander aimlessly!.
So for you, there is no hope of losing sight;
Don’t pretend you don’t know what you want to see!.

Gardener, ready with shovel and fake enthusiasm,
I have a suggestion: plant these flowers inside,
Naturally, they'll live and die!."

Well, hope I helped!. =))
Good luck and keep writing!. ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

not bad I like the last quoteWww@QuestionHome@Com

---

---