A poem for Wednesday. Comments and brutal criticism welcome.?

Question: A poem for Wednesday!. Comments and brutal criticism welcome!.!?

"pride"

No one hears you pray,
they only hear your tears!.
Cold because you tried,
with your artificial pride!.

Wings that have been clipped,
can never glide again!.
Blood darkens the sky,
demons have been tricked!.

Your vices and your lies,
your temptation is all gone!.
It's your time to reimburse,
all sins are still forgiven!.

The heart you nearly broke,
the life you threw away!.
My hearts collecting dust,
hiding in tales and fables!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Dark Prince, remember I'm a writer just like others that are learning!. Take my criticism for what it is worth!. Try rhyming either your first two lines, then your second two in each verse, keeping it consistent throughout or rhyming your second and fourth lines throughout!. If you can do that without sacrificing the meaning of your poetry it will flow easier with more rhythm!. Sometimes by sacrificing some good parts we come up with something better!. If you don't want it to rhyme, that is okay!. You have so much to write about, I would think you could write a biography really well!. The brutal criticism in my point of view!. Beautiful first verse!. 2nd!. verse good lines but I would expect something different with the first two lines and something different with the last two lines!. Last two verses are good lines, good meaning, but I think they need to be reworked!. Try the rhyming a bit if you can do it without too much sacrifice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

A bit dark, but i like dark, sad poetry!. I write a lot of sad stuff myself!.

Try rhyming more, even though good poems dun need rhythms, they make it flow better!.

and also, the best advice i can give, is to never stop writing

all together, i think it's a great poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nniiccee one this go around my friend!

(always a dark prince lol)

Lovin' it!

*^_^*Www@QuestionHome@Com

sweet!. =]Www@QuestionHome@Com