Could you please give me somefeed back on my poem/song..?

Position:Home>Poetry> Could you please give me somefeed back on my poem/song..?

Question:

Full Spead Ahead

so just tell me again
where are you going to find your next fix!?
my father the druggie and im caught in the mix
my brother, he's older and he doesn't care
moving on with his life to god knows where
and here i am sitting alone on this floor
where i sat when she kicked me right out the door

my mom the alcholoic for three years now
not as long as my dad but still somehow
i let it take over my mind and my soul
it grabs at my heart, won't let go of its hold
so i sit here and cry about all of the pain
a pure waste of time as i watch in the rain
he's driving away, full speed ahead
not a suprsie all the things that he said

she throws all her cloths into the suitcase
taking off in the morning without a trace
will she be back!? who knows anymore
i learned to backoff and just open the door
and watch as she drives away
full speed ahead with nothing to sayWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

i think his poem is amazing! if u wrte it from your heart god bless u, but i think u have amazing potential with your writing!. keep it up and focus on your goals and dont give up!Www@QuestionHome@Com

beautifulWww@QuestionHome@Com

i really liked it it touched my heart its something really that dose go on in to days life i think its a really cool poem i really enjoyed reading itWww@QuestionHome@Com

That poem is amazing!. I can relate!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like the structure, it runs pretty fast like the title suggests!. I would definitely make this one a song and in doing so give it a chorus and bridge!.

In the second stanza, try not to rhyme "hold" with "soul!."
As a general guideline it is better to rhyme with the just the vowel sound than to have an non-rhyming consonant!. "Go" would would probably work ok but I would try for something like "hole!."Www@QuestionHome@Com