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Question: Another Acrostic Sonnet!.!.!.I think!. How do I improve it!?
ENTITLED
Temperance, my love, has deserted me,
Healing and trust are at pleasant distance!.
Entertaining thoughts that you cannot see,
Slipping, my dark truth, in your persistance!.
Offering myself as your sacrifice,
Nothing to save from devastating grace!.
Nevermore is tossing her fickle dice,
Everything I know is fading in place!.
Treachery in love is now my belief,
Betrayal is the wages of mercy!.
Living with love has no hope of relief,
Antidotes are poison coursing through me!.
Craven I am now as never before!.
Keep close that key which opens my cursed door!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
"The Sonnet Black"
I noticed that you followed a previous suggestion, and stayed true to the sonnet form, however it takes away from the acrostic!.!.!. so that choice (and it's a personal one) is a toss up!.!.!.
Other than that your syllable count is perfect!. What I truly enjoyed about this piece, is that each line ended with the opposite of what I expected!. Well done!!
I applaud you for your patience!.!.!. and persistence!.
Much love always,
TemariWww@QuestionHome@Com
Once more I admire the craft and reject the premise of one of your poems!. It is so well written, and so not true!. You have been wounded and have been hurt!. But picking at the scab won't help heal the wound!.
It grieves me to be so stern, I think you know that it comes from love and respect and empathy!.
Regarding improvements, you can spell "persistence" correctly without sacrificing the rhyme!.
****Www@QuestionHome@Com
a wound needs love!.
we need that!.
the moments of drinking the chocolate from the glass
i never thought of what it was going to be like to clean the glass!.!.
the glass that is now empty will be useless if
its not refilled!.!.!.
the pain in living
might be the glass wanting to be filled!.
and i like chocolate!.!.
more than looking at the empty glass!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
first reaction: acrostic sonnet!?!? whyy would you make life that hard for yourself!?
*reads sonnet*
wow, that's good!. just a point, you might want to check the meter!.!.!.could just be my brain, which is a little screwed up at the moment, but i'm not sure it's all iambic!.!.!. =S
beyond that tiny nag!.!.!.!.i like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
meh you have a huge theme going on here!.!.though you've written on it several times it stays lodged in your brain!.!.that tells me that this is more than well for lack of better words "a fleeting thought"Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think that I should never see
A poetess just a sweet as thee!.
(My apologies to Joyce Kilmer)Www@QuestionHome@Com
make sure there are ten syllibals in each sentance!.
Would you like to read my sonnets!?
(steven_alen8@yahoo!.com)Www@QuestionHome@Com