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Question: Part III!. How can I improve it!?
Perfect Love III
Placed here, high above earth,
eternity flowing through my veins!.
Rapture upon those who see me,
fear in their
eyes, fealty in their stance!.
Created for beauty, for power,
this is my fate, not my choice!.
I am alone in this
onerous design!.
Non share this burden!.
Living for another's glory,
object of random infatuation
verily glossed over,
e'en though adamantly loyal!.!.!.until now!.
Divinity without flaws,
obviuos the need for chance, the
epitome must fail
sometimes!.
Now, are we not made after His image,
on His design our hearts based!?
Treasonous, this question!.
Merely a wanderer,
abandoned to paradise!.
Keeper of the flame,
enchanted no more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
"Living for another's glory" is a recurrent theme in the corpus of your work!. That saddens me!. At times I think you are over it, and sometimes I think you are sinking into it!. You already must know that so many of us are in awe of your incredible artistry, so it seems that only you can pull yourself out of this miasmatic bog!.
This is being presented serially, and as I piece them together, they gain coherence!. I echo the call for correct spelling!. Nit-picker that I am, these errors are highy distracting!. I can let the somewhat pretentious "e'en" slide, for the sake of the meter, but - yea and forsooth, ods bodkins and huzzah - verily needs must unto the waste bag thither!.
***Www@QuestionHome@Com
You handle flawed divinity, treason, and rapture in one poem with a depth and grace that is stunning!. Your word choices, as always, are brilliant and intense!. There is no slender thread of hope for evading this fall from grace, but the suspense about what will happen next is very effective!. I absolutely love the perspective of these poems!. They are making me think!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I cannot answer what you seek,
For I am bound to wander!.
Around this big wide world of ours,
From here to over yonder!.
In paradise I spend my days,
The keeper of the flames, dear!.
I hold them deep within my heart!.
So that you have no fear!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
correct your spelling!.
but only if you want to!.
(Divinity without flaws)Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow! if you said
'placed here Low on the earth'
this could be a rattlesnake thinking!.!.
the series so far is very unique!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Read it aloud and then rewrite it the way you feel like you should SAY it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com