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Question: My roughdraft love poem, advices and tips would be great!!?
About two to three weeks ago, I asked on how to start a poetry and I got some good answers that I liked!. So here's my rough draft that I've completed so far!.

Here it is :)

Now I'm here by your side
Hear my first but last song of you,
As my voice in disguise
Sing for you tonight!.

When I first heard you sing
On the day of apprehension,
Never once have I been emboldened!.
When you caught me,
I swear I could see the gold dust of night in your eyes,
And it was the first star I saw
Wish I may, wish I might
Wish I could see you tonight!.
Everyday I pass by to hear your lullaby
Oh please! Sing me your song!
Let me go gravity!
Walk off my shoulder,
Take me to heaven
And I'll make you feel beautiful

I don't mind saying hello everyday
But what bugs me is this game,
Even though you carry someone's heart,
Help me change my voice
So I can make an noise in the world,
But there's a noise that sing its dismal song I listen
Stop this black light that shines on me

(TO BE CONTINUE, PLEASE WAIT)Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I don`t like the very first verse!. It could be made a little clearer!. As for the rest, sometimes I think the longer lines should be cut in half, because it makes the whole poem go off if the rhythm is not right!. So spend some time on that maybe!.

The feeling of the poem is beautiful!. Perfect!. I can tell that you are new to poetry and working very hard on it, and I think that once you develop your style a bit more, you will be a very fine poet!.

I would love to see this poem again once you make a few changes!. (If you do of course)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its ok but the rhymth needs workWww@QuestionHome@Com