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Question: From 1-10!.!?
okay, got another poem for you!. 1-10 (1bad)
MOMENTARY LIFE
Staring out a window pane,
Up at a bright blue sky,
He remembers his old life,
And years that have gone by!.
He use to be alive and young,
And sometimes you may see
A tiny sparkle in his eyes,
Showing what he used to be!.
In his heart he is still a boy,
In his mind he’s youth,
But he stares into a mirror,
And sees dismal truth!.
His body now is fading !.
He knows it wont be long,
Until his life is over,
Ending its fleeting song!.
Reminiscing in his memories
He travels back though years,
And remembers all those moments
That bring back blissful tears!.
“How can time be so short!?” He thinks,
And wonders where it went!.
"Some 80 years have come and gone!.
How have my years been spent!?"
He hears a noise and turns his glance!.
His grandson is playing near!.
Now he knows where his time has gone,
He gave it to someone dear!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
9!.5/10 for a few nitpicky things !.!.!. easy changes, I swear!. I really did love this btw!. Excellently executed and the rhyme was consistent and appropriate!.
Stanza two has a few issues!. the first line of the stanza repeats some of what's in the last line of the stanza!. I would change the first to read "He was once alive and young!." The line "And sometimes you may see" changes to second person!. Easy enough to get rid of by changing it to "Yet sometimes one can see!." It's slightly awkard going from past to present to past tense within the space of a few lines, but with a few small changes it flows better and is less confusing!. Otherwise, tense changes aren't an issue because the other stanzas seem to remain internally consistent!.
Outside of those small things, I think it's excellent and you described the grandpa very well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
8!.5/10 I really like the last stanza, perfect way to end it, but I think if you got the metering perfect, this poem would be perfect!. Good rhymes, great poemWww@QuestionHome@Com
9 it is a really good poem!.!.!. !.!.it is kinda depressing!.!.!. !.!.!.but i LOVED the endingWww@QuestionHome@Com
10! This is very good!. It tells a great story!.
Thanx for sharing!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
pretty good
I like the story in the poem
it has good rhyme 9/10Www@QuestionHome@Com
10/10 it was good!Www@QuestionHome@Com
omg! 10 that's so good!.!.i wish i could write like that !.!.!.that's great! i luved it 10 10 10 10 !!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it a lot!. 9Www@QuestionHome@Com
yay it is a 12! you go, you did great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com