Please analyze my poem and help me revise it. what do you think?

Question: Please analyze my poem and help me revise it!. what do you think!?

http://allpoetry!.com/poem/4243425

thats the link!. please tell me what i need to fix to perfect it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

i left my comment on the allpoetry page for you, im a member of it too!. see if you can find mine and let me know if you like any of my poems :) im on there as "plumbdamaged"Www@QuestionHome@Com

If we are still talking about the 'Blood Stained Valley', It is well written!. The instructions you got to keep all the words in one line!.!.!. leave it like you have it!. It's okay! We do poetry that way!. Now, if I had never read the first one, I would say, "WOW" again!. And I do like most of the changes, but there is so much about that first one, that will always remain with me!. Thanks!. And you have had so much critiquing on line, I am not going to bother further with getting more help off line as I promised!. Okay!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

For a start, I couldn't read it!. Red on a blue background is not good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com