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Question: Could you give me your opinion on a poem I wrote!?
I wrote this poem cuz' I was bored!. Not because I just got thru a break up or anythin and im not thinking of suicide!. I am in a very good relationship right now with the perfect girl <3
Each time I think of you
I can't help but cry!.
You told me that you loved me
then you left me to die!.
I can't believe the things you did
And all that I forgave!.
Now I know that when I die
you'll spit on my grave!.
I knew that this was coming
I didn't want to believe!.
I should have stopped it first
but I just couldnt leave!.
I loved the way you looked
and everything you did!.
I thought that you were perfect
who was I trying to kid!.
I gave you my life
and you tore it apart!.
And I wish it werent true,
But you still have my heart!.
So now I sit here all alone
And as I write this letter
I've got a gun shoved to my chest
I know death will be better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You are obviously a very emotional person!.!.!.don't fall so hard!. There will always be someone somwhere who will let you down!.
The poem is too depressing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Thats a great poem but what im wondering is what made you think of that if you are in a great relationship but great poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think that one of the best poems ive ever read! great Job!.,!.<>Www@QuestionHome@Com
Gotta say!.!.that's a good poem!.
Nice work!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
easy on the crack son
all i can vision i s kurt kobains last moments
ouchWww@QuestionHome@Com
i thnk thats real niceWww@QuestionHome@Com
i'll be brutally honest - it's not brilliant!.
BUT
you can make it better!. at the moment, it doesn't have that special *spark*!. go back, read it through again!. be brutal!. cut out what doesn't work, what's been done to death by other poets!. the topic is a common one, but that doesn't mean you can't make it good!. try looking at the meter, or rhyme, or enjambment!. freeform is the hardest form to do well!.
as i say, you can make it better!. if you want to take the time and effort, you can make it good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
As far as content goes it is probably the most used theme out there!. I've read the same, song, poem, lament-whatever a zillion times!. As far as style, at least it rhymes!. If it's about your third poem, keep going; you might develop into something if you pay attention to rhythm and meter!. If it's your twenty-fifth or more poem, give it up or study real hard!. You're missing the mark!.
Each time I think of you
I can not help but cry!.
You told me you loved me
Then you left me to die!.
I can't believe you did
And all that I forgave!.
Now I know when I die
That you'll spit on my grave!.
I knew that this was coming!.!.!.!.
cleans it up a bit as far as meter and rhythm go!. If you don't understand what I mean!. Forget it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com