" Fixate" Six lines, Please comment on this poem? Thanxs?

Question: " Fixate" Six lines, Please comment on this poem!? Thanxs!?

Fixate

In a field of gray
ghostly poppies sway,
"Beat the drums slowly"
over waves of the past
how long do echos last
to the weeping of taps!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

its an interesting poem and it seems like it is referring to a field where a battle once took place and where poppies now grow !. poppies are often red and probably symbolize the red blood of the fallen soldiers!. As the wind blows the poppies sway together like the soldiers marched, fought , and died together!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your two last lines are strong and to me the rest needs to be built around these lines!. Try also to keep the same syllables per line!. Here is a variation of your two great lines!.

In ghostly fields of gray
the red poppies do sway
over waves of past days
as we now stand and pray
and ask!.!.!.!.
how long do echoes last
to the weeping of taps!?

You do not need to rhyme obviously, but I took the liberty of showing you another way of saying what I think you intended!. I often find myself reworking lines to fit the one or two lines that I feel are the crux of what I want to say!. This is worth spending time on!. My complimentsWww@QuestionHome@Com

Well the first versions showing uncertainty!. Second versions more sure and exact!. Reading it reminds me of how peoples past holds them back from accomplishing anything!. The echos always stay!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like the second version better - thought seems more profound ;-) Somehow, I got a vision of the Civil War on this - I guess it was the color gray!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Is this about past happenings!?don't know but i think it's kind of sad but good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com