Critique my poem please. And rate it from 1-10 if you like.?

Position:Home>Poetry> Critique my poem please. And rate it from 1-10 if you like.?

Question:

I wrote this poem for The Stranger by Albert Camus!.
The title is: Humanity

Ostensibly devoid
of any possible meaning
Lacking discernable purpose
Or rationale
How does one life differ from another!?
There is absolutely no way out!.
No escape from the absurdity of it all!.
Unbearable heat emanating from the sun
thunders razor-sharp knives
Upon my back while
Moisture gathers on my upper lip,
Clawing down the cervical like a panther as
I endeavor to resist
Those claustrophobic expectations
What does my indifference matter to them!?
A tempestuous torrent of madness and heat,
Spilling over my broad shoulders and
Encroaching silently
Casting inhuman, oppressive rays all around!.
My mind blackens, unable to think
Madness…all madness
And the Reaper, harbinger of all ends and every end in life
has ushered Maman away
Away from this world
Perchance to an amorphous, freer world
butWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I would end the poem at "has ushered Maman away"!.!.!.the rest is anticlimatic!. also, I'd recommend "harbinger of all ends in life" and leave it at that to prevent the repetition!. I'd also shoot for "sweat" instead of "moisture"!.!.!.let's face it, Algeria is HOT and we know that the moisture is sweat, so just say it!.!.!.sometimes saying what something is becomes more important than hinting at it with a less powerful image!. Don't forget your apostrophes!.!.!.like "thunder's"!.

I'd give it a 7!.!.!.maybe an 8 after editing!.!.!.which is actually pretty good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Pretty awesome poem!.!.powerful!. Although did leave me feeling depressed and sorta out of gas!. I guess what you are saying is that we all work so damn hard to make our life as enriched as we can and in the end!.!.we gotta face the grim reaper!.!.!.and all we strived for!.!.!.seems pretty much !.!.!.!.for nothing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

So complicated and vague that it turned me off from the first line!. Remembe poetry is not about big words but emotion!. I could not feel any here!. It is as if you took every single word and replaced it by one that was most complex!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

-2Www@QuestionHome@Com

Enjoyed going through the poem! Flags need to fly high, not half-mast for the spirit behind the poem, which is the spirit of quest! Some day you find the difference, when you make the difference yourself, between one life and another: for that, you have to continue on the quest, without ever giving up! (good luck with that!) And, one of the many ways of making the difference, and then finding that difference, and, encouraging a lot of others to do so, too, (that will be a contribution to society around, and, that will make life meaningful, with a difference!), is, to do things like poetry: go on, continue on this track! ( 7 out of 10: and, one bonus point for the intensity expressed, and the amorphous vibes transmitted: well done!)Www@QuestionHome@Com