Position:Home>Poetry> With the disclaimer that this is a work of fiction in mind, please comment on th
Question: With the disclaimer that this is a work of fiction in mind, please comment on this work and what it evokes!?
The rasp in her breath
and her grey, gaunt face
were unreal,
she lay in that mechanized bed
polypropylene puppet strings deciding here fate
and creating for me, the son
a mockery of mother
a cruel joke played by a god whom I could no longer believe in
“Please,” she asked, “just make it end,”
and I knew what she wanted
scratch that
needed me to do
There was a pillow in my hands
and a tear in my eye,
pumps pumped and machines beeped in their rhythmic way
Time was a creation of man
I knew that
but it ceased to exist
not stop, but exist
and any movements I made were in motion slow
as if underwater
The antiseptic smell stung me
punctuated things
coloured them sharply
but still nothing seemed real
I lifted the pillow
her eyes tied to mine, pleading
not afraid
ready for release
Weeping, these words came out of me
as darkness descended
and time started to move again, but not as before,
I can’t,
I can’t,
I can’t
I cried
and it was over
and the nurse came and told me to go home,
but I have no home now
nothing can give me that warmth ever again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This one hit home!. Monday, Wednesday and Friday are my days to go to the hospital and spoon-feed my father-in-law!.!.!.
WWII Vet, KSU Alum, American Legion!.!.!.married a woman with five kids so he could take care of them!.
Owned a cement works, car wash and liquor store!. The most popular guy in a little college town!.
I have time to take care of him!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very moving!. You have lifted the rock on one of the ugliest things about humans and their superstitions, exposed to the light of a very sad day the derangement crawling out from underneath the proverbial rock that shows humanity, purportedly a species capable of much compassion, legally hamstrung and hogtied to alleviate terminal suffering in their fellow man because of a horribly insanely skewed concept of the "sin" of euthanasia!. This poem is timely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is a compelling poem about the Human Condition and the choices one must make at the end!. Your imagery is stark and powerful, engaging the senses and the emotions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Drat the techniques of modern medicine - to prolong!. It seems that there is a moral struggle!. The deciding word is compassion!. You have portrayed this situation well!. It is one of my horrors!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
the ending is always important to me and i think that the ending to this was very creative and nicely worded,
i give this poem,
8 1/2 out of 10!!
i loved it!
keep it up!! :-DWww@QuestionHome@Com
Excellent poem!. I can almost smell the antiseptic; I see the pleading and feel both the mother and son's emotions!.
This is a powerful piece!. I hope you get it published!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very morbid and an artificially created pull for my emotions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I could relate to this poem !.!.!.!.!.!.Watching my Mother die at home from Cancer !.!.!.!.!.Just wishing her days to end !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Morbid maybe !.!.!.!.!.It speaks a lot of truth
Well done!.!.!.!.Very Moving!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It made me feel very sad!.!.!. Mostly that I'd bothered to spend any time reading it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its good!. not great!.!.!. and i'm not sure what could make it better!.!.!.!. but not bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This was hard to read but I believe you have a good core here!. Now just edit edit edit to make it shineWww@QuestionHome@Com
typo - deciding her fate!.
This was compelling, and extremely realistic!.
A couple of lines could be better (for me)
and a tear in my eye!.!.!.don't know, weak maybe, or too cliched!.
and the nurse came and told me to go home!.!.!.!.!.this reads as if written by a child!. Was that your intention!?
These possible flaws, however, do no harm to an excellent piece of creativity - this is up there with your best!.
I think many people reading this can identify with the drama you have portrayed!. Me, included!. My mother in her last days, and me wanting her not to go, but another part of me wanting it to be over for her sake!.Www@QuestionHome@Com