| Question Home |
Position:Home>Poetry> Can I please have a detailed comment on my poem? 10 quick points for most detailQuestion: Can I please have a detailed comment on my poem!? 10 quick points for most detailed!!? Here it is:
The more I really think of it The more I realise it’s all I need I see everything around me None of which I would label a necessity I would give it all up To be with her for one night Compared to what I really want These things around me are nothing Just mere side steps to my ultimate goal To me, Love is the only thing I wish to possess And I need nothing but itWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's really deep into thought it is even more beautiful when you are talking about a real person not just like a thought up poem I write many things: Poetry Songs Stories Dilemmas and more but simply don't have the time to write them all and all those things that I write comes from what I really believe if you believe in your poetry and understand what it means to you, then you will Cherish it and never think it's lame after a few days you wrote it and if you write another one try to review what it means to you and what part of life it corresponds to you and who ever you are talking about make what ever you write pure nothing with bad languages or things that are not even worth of you to express I my point of view you are a writer that expresses what really is inside of you and that wants for others to read and express on it there are some that do not even share their poetry no one should ever be afraid to share what they are thinking or what they feel about others if the concept is in which you Will not detail your poem with bad or inappropriate language or stuff that will offend others that are reading it think twice before you show someone in particular your poem or something you write it might just a person who thinks opposite but anyways you should still share with anyone you want because of your own ideas of expressive dilections when you are thinking of someone at the time you are writing a poem try to reffer it to them and when you are finished with it, show them It would be easier to know what the person you are writing about thinks of your writing about the poem you wrote: if it is about someone then show her it's best to show your feelingsWww@QuestionHome@Com The poem is good!. I don't normally do a line edit unless I am drawn into the poem!. Hope you are not offended!. About the only thing I would suggest is that you use the power of grammar to break this into sections!. also made a change on line 4!. I left Love capitalized as if it is a personification of your love!. The more I really think of it the more I realize it’s all I need!. I see everything around me, none of which is a necessity!. I would give it all up to be with her for one night!. Compared to what I really want, these things around me are nothing -- just mere side steps to my ultimate goal!. To me, Love is the only thing I wish to possess!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Nice words!.Why are you going around your love as if you are not sure of her feelings towards you!?It seems that you are sexually attracted to this lady because you say:To be with her for one night!.And why do you devalue the things around you!?Are you sad and depressed!?Do you thing that having this lady even for one night will be some sort of salvation to you!?I do sympathize with you!.Rejoice and relax because if she has the same feelings towards you,she will come!.Remember too that despite the beauty and ecstasy of love there are other charming things!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's all right, but quite frankly, nothing special!. It's a theme that has been covered repeatedly!. "It" is a word generally without meaning!. Instead of being 'coy' and not telling us what "It" is, just tell us!. There is nothing suspenseful about not telling!. While the idea is a good one, this one is not terribly poetic, to be honest!. There is no particular rhythm to this; it is almost prose broken up into separate lines!. And I am not too certain that "being with her for one night" is LOVE!. I would prefer to see something along the lines of: Love lingers when I think on it!.!.!.!. etc!. etc!. etc!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i think that ur poem is really poetic!. it shows an emotion in the words that cannot be described and thats wat a poem is all about!. i think that the line that says "Compared to what I really want" is just beautiful!. ur poem is indescribable and shows a warm, passionate emotion!. i love ur poem!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Your poem is very good!. It flows smoothly, & very nice with out using rhyme, which every one thinks is what makes a poem!. The general concept of it is nice, nothing in life is needed except love!. With love anything is possible!. I like it, good work!. Please read my poetry at http://poetrypoem!.com/cgi-bin/index!.pl!?s!.!.!. All comments welcome, but please be nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com This poem is talking about all the troubles of life and how you must take detours to get through life!. It is saying that all you need in life is yourself and love!.Www@QuestionHome@Com efefgerferferferferfreWww@QuestionHome@Com |