Inspect my poem?

Question: Inspect my poem!?

hi can someone please give me some feedback/comments, tips, and help me correct somethings that i did wrong in my poem that i wrote

A bubble bursts
the air disperses

a bottle of anger
pressurized from within and out
it would soon burst
and all that anger would be let out

a calm person
anger locked up
an irritated person
anger leaking out

like a pressurized water heater
with enough pressure it would steam
with too much pressure
it will blow

Like a majestic rock
being worn down by the tide
the rock is stubborn
unwilling to move
yet the tide persists
the story ends like this
the tide would change the rock
no longer big and strong
the tide prevails
now its a beach
changed forever

by daniel cWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like what your poem has to say: it has a very nice message!. I am curious though as to what style you chose: is this poem written in free verse!? If it is in free verse, then it's fine as is!. If not, then I think you need to work on its "rhythm!." I'm not sure if you were trying to make it fit some form, e!.g!. Shakespearean, haiku, etc!. (My English class memory is failing me at the moment!.!.!. lol)!.

Overall, I like it! Nicely done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This reminds me of something the Trench Coat Mafia members would write about (Columbine High School shooters)!. It's actually not bad, but imploding is a very bad thing!. If this is truly how you feel, try to do things that help you release your frustrations and stress!.!.!.it's not healthy dude, but good poem, this definitely isn't the first poem you've ever written!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Use grammar and brake up that last stanza into managable units of two to four lines to match the organization of your previous stanzas!. You have talent with good images!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is very good! the only thing I would maybe change is separating the last stanza into two, right where you talk about the story ending!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very good! the tone could be portrayed a little bit better!.!.!.the beginning and end seem a little contradictory, but that's part of what I like about it!. keep up the good work!! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow I am truly touched by your message of peace, I am forever indebted to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow that is truly a beautiful poem!. I loved it!. I think it is perfect!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Seems like your having some anger issues!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

cool!Www@QuestionHome@Com

hey!.!.!.!.cool, it is filled with feelings, huh!?!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm no expert, but I like it as is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

honestly, i think its good!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com