Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my random lines?
Question: What do you think of my random lines!?
Sometimes I just write randomly off the top of my head!. It doesn't have to be anything!.!.!.it's just for fun!. but this time, i want to turn it into a poem, that doesn't necessarily have to rhyme!.
Do you have any suggestions/constructive critisizm (sorry, i normally remember how to spell)!?
A broken heart, it's searing colours
Lay splattered on the cold, melancholic floor
The furniture needn't say nothing more
Just that her world was shattered
By the man she loved
By his skin and his touch
By deciet!.
All that she knew, and once again
By whom she didn't know anymore!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
A broken heart, it's searing colours (a broken heart is a cliche, you can improve it into something more revealing)
Lay splattered on the cold, melancholic floor (this is good)
The furniture needn't say nothing more (this is nice_
Just that her world was shattered (you can further add meaning to this)
By the man she loved (this can also be improved, it's too bland)
By his skin and his touch (skin and touch is already parallel right!?)
By deciet!. (you can replace this abstract word with a concrete one which represents the feeling)
All that she knew, and once again
By whom she didn't know anymore!. (this is already good)Www@QuestionHome@Com
"the furniture needn't say (anything) more!."
it is great just as it is, raw, uncomplicated and very to the
point!.
well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com
I really like this it's really neat!. When i write poems they are point less and don't make any sence!. But this one is good i like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com