Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Have you ever swam with carp?


Question: Have you ever swam with carp!?
Yes, this is a true rite of spring we did!.

Swimming with the Carp

In the vast flatlands of the north
where the mountains are piled rocks placed
and red elephants dot landscapes
winter gales always bring springs thaw!.

Then the river north swells with pride
from tributaries bounties offered
but flatness needs a helping hand
which the giant smoking horses gave!.

And boys cared not that water’s cold
nor that mud would be cleaner than
for rites of spring will not be spurned,
a swimming pool pass horizons eye!.

From floating on borrowed boards lashed
to cannonballs off culverts placed
goose bumps and mud trophies were earned,
as spectators passed, touching legs!

Yes, swimming with the carp we did
cared not if they interrupted
our pool was big enough for all!.
Our motto of course, “Carpe diem!”Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I actually like the last line where it is!. It comes as a shocker, summing up the fun the boys were having by joking in the end!. I love poems that engage the senses and you have done so: sight, touch, sound, smell, taste, as well as imagination!. This one is a keeper--and I don't say that very often!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I had to read it a few times to get the flow right, I'm thinking in this case, with this easy theme, some more punctuation would help!.

Loved some of the innocent images, and the odd, almost psychadelic language choices: red elephants dot landscapes indeed!

My other suggestion would be the last line!. It doesn't work for me, but is inevitable!. How about "Carpe Diem" for the title and delet that last line!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

I hate to keep carping, but I think you should stop floundering around!. Stop smoking those funny cigarettes!. This is a tail, full of sound, and a little furry!. Yeah it signifies nothing, but it sounds nice!. My vote for best line pretending to make sense is "for rites of spring will not be spurned!." Don't you know that, although carps are constantly complaining, they never spurn!. They spawn!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Loved the fish story!.!.!.but do dispute your claim on the north flowing river:http://www!.geocities!.com/loisnotlane/riv!.!.!.
(Sorry, it's been a 'why, where and what' day!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

The poem is great but it was not in the north, central plains area!. More cat then carp but we took a lot!. Gunny sacks until the youngest got hurt, four sacks full!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love the freedom this poem portrays!. Pure fun!. Responsibilities for actions non-existent!. The pun at the end is great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can't stop laughing long enough to read this!. The dyslexia kicked in just as I read the title!. Yes, I am swimming with crap!.Www@QuestionHome@Com