A rough outline. Any suggestions?

Question: A rough outline!. Any suggestions!?

"sometimes"

I sing by myself
Away from the angels
That hold my hand!.
Sometimes I walk
Away scared!.
Memories choked on
Wiped all away!.
Angels sing of you
They bleed in my dreams
Bringing you to life!.
Falling to their knees!.
Their wings ripped
My eyes torn to shredsWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like it!. But, not nearly as strong as it could be!. It has A LOT of potential, just keep working on it!. Uh!.!.!.for line five, I think that there should be a pause!. "Away, scared" or
"Away-scared" might work!. Just to make them seem a bit more emphasized!. But, the poem in its entirety seems a bit bland!. More emotionally charged words would be better!. =3Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes!. Make less redundant!.

Usually "eyes torn to shreds" is a shocking, horrific statement!. But here, my eyes didn't even wince!. Not engaging enough for me!.

Just my honest opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

speechless!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is really goodWww@QuestionHome@Com