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Question: My poem - Do You Remember!?!.!.!. dedicated to my father, please tell me what you think!?
Every day gets more confusing
and every breath gets harder to breath
when slowly, every word means nothing
because of everything you once ment to me
I dont want to believe
that your not who i thought
i dont want to believe what i see
the days grow long and the nights are short
because of everything you once ment to me
if i died tomorow would you remember my name!?
because to this day i still remember your face
and im sick of it haunting me
your everything i see
because of everything you ment to me
Im sick of all this pain
the midnight screams
and tears that stain
I want to know something true
but all i know is that, thats not you
and i'll hold onto fading memories
because of everything, you once ment to me
(i know its not one of my best poems!.!.!. but hey, i just wrote it on the bus home!.!.!. but, give me your opinion on it anyway)
please and thankyou (=Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
He doesn`t want criticism on how his father is uncaring!. He asked for an opinion on the poem, so give him one!.
I think it was really good, considering you made it on a bus!. I cant think on those things; too scared i will miss my stop!. (:Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds like your dad is emotionally unavailable!. There are many dads like that, whether it be because of the traditional patriarchal structure, or because they are are overworked, overstressed, and maybe even suffering from depression!. Emotional unavailability can be perceived as neglect from the child's point of view, and it hurts because a child needs parental attention!. Attention equals love!.
Parents are not perfect people, and sometimes, they are too wrapped up in their own problems to be good caregivers!. To reach adulthood means to learn to take care of oneself, in order to be able to take care of other, smaller people in the future!. :-)
Just don't expect perfection from your father!. As we all are, he is limited!. Perhaps even very limited!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Is your father dead!? He seemed like he is not there for you and you want him to be but you are pissed off at him for all things or whatever he did or did not do!. That is some what of what I get out from it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's quite good!.
Especially for a first draft!.
I really like the first 2 stanzas!.
If you just fix the rest up a bit it will be very good!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
like using the emotion you did in the first parts!.
Nice work:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
A lovely Poem though a little depressing,at least thats how it made me feelWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's nice but try something happy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That is so sad!. It gave me goose bumps!. I really liked it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Gud thinking but try it gud!. then this
keep it up!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
My poem - Do You Remember!?!.!.!. dedicated to my father, please tell me what you think!?
Every day gets more confusing
and every breath gets harder to breath
when slowly, every word means nothing
because of everything you once meant to me
I dont want to believe
that your not who i thought
i dont want to believe what i see
the days grow long and the nights are short
because of everything you once meant to me
if i died tomorow would you remember my name!?
because to this day i still remember your face
and im sick of it haunting me
your everything i see
because of everything you meant to me
Im sick of all this pain
the midnight screams
and tears that stain
I want to know something true
but all i know is that, thats not you
and i'll hold onto fading memories
because of everything you once meant to me
It is a lovely poem, expressing well your deep sadness and confusion!.
This first 4 lines we see the pain in your heart
Next 4 your deniel
Next 4 we sense your depression,
You continue with your awareness of, this is how it is and your anger at that!.
The 3 lines I'm sick of all this pain
the midnight screams
and tears that stain
you use imagery effectively!.
I like it and think you have a lot of potential!.Www@QuestionHome@Com