Revision from way back when, care to crit or comment?

Question: Revision from way back when, care to crit or comment!?

On Two Wheels

Roundin’ corners
on two wheels
Mind reelin’,
body feels alive
Der'ivin’,
need to seem complete
While hidin’
personal defeat

Speedin’ up
Can’t
slow
down
Face forward
Slapped

~~~down

~~~~~~on

~~~~~~~the

~~~~~~ground

Pulled over
Head’s spinnin’ around
On two wheels
God
let
me
Slow down!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

You seem to abbreviate a lot at the expense of beautiful meanings!.Do it again!.It is nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This poem is on a driving start
I like the title
On two wheels
because you are driving around
and can't slow down
I would think of the car as a run away
for the reason you want it to slow down
but the car has a mind of its own!.
I hope you at least have the seat belts on!.
Be carefulWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's a little choppy but good!. Nice metaphors, and amazing how you can convey your ideas and it just seems to effortlessly rhyme!. :) Sounds like a crazy life you're describing!Www@QuestionHome@Com