Position:Home>Poetry> "This Hole Is Now My Home" revised, looking for crits, anyone?
Question: "This Hole Is Now My Home" revised, looking for crits, anyone!?
This Hole Is Now My Home
Hades is where you found me
Hanging out and laying low
Way too many rocks fell in
This slowly sinking hole
Bottoms rot from hells fire
Tainting what was left
You asked, I gave you all of me
I truly did my best
Still, you pace the front of me
Waiting for something new!?
How much do I have to bleed,
to prove my love for you!?
Have you given all you could,
to please the likes of me!?
I think you have but, it don’t take much
I live simplistically
So, please, now, if you’re finished
I’d like to be alone
Kick the last of the rock in
This hole’s now my home!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Great! 8/10!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Once again, no critique, but definitely a comment!. This is a desription, not of the person lying in the hole, but the one standing above, still breathing, who won't let go of their misguided passion, damnable obsession, hurtful preoccupation, and all!. that!. jazz!. Someone for whom enough is never enough, but cannot give themselves, but they try, even when the one they cannot love is trapped in death, inside a hole, denied even that final respite!. Scintillating!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is done well!. My compliments!. The only line that did not work as well as the rest for me was: " I live simplistically!." Maybe just the way the word rolls off the tongue!. Loved the line "bottom rots from hells fire!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
Raw emotion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
What Evadne had to say was just about what I felt as I read this!. Give the Queen the 10 points!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow, very powerful!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.and very moving!.!.!.!.it could mean a couple of different things!.!.!.!.very nice!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'm not sure I understand all of it, but I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com