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Question: Ok sooo this poem!.!.!.!?
well!. idk!. idk where i pulled this one from!. but this is what i wrote!.
Furiously biting her tongue, quickly moving on
Forcing that smile upon her face
Ignoring the usual thick metallic taste that fills her mouth
She gradually falls apart but never shows a frown
Trying to let her excruciating pain be hidden
her graceful manner and perfect facade
she takes it one day at a time, hating it all the while
As lonely and miserable as things are
Trapped inside a box, a puppet with too many strings by far!.
The stares kill and its hard to breathe
She acts as though they dont phase her
Never knowing quite what to say, stumbling along!.
She stares at the blank pasty wall trying to fathom how things went so horribly wrong!.
(btw, im not a real depressed person!. :) haha i cant really think up extremely happy poems though!. eh!. sadder ones are easier!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i have pulled so many poems like this! i'm not a depressed poet either!. it's great to have insight into "the other relm" though:) great job!!
All day long I sit quietly at my desk
Looking doen on everyone; perched high above the rest!.
No one seems to notice as I try to stay afloat
Gasping for breath; struggling; praying for a boat!.
Slowly I sink, silently I drown,
Watching the light disappear as I flutter down
I pulled that from left field too:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
very inspiring!.!.!.!.!.!.
i like ur writing syle!. its better than mine by far!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. :)
( oh and dont worry, i dont get the impression that ur deppresed, usually people who are are harder to see)
good work!!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's nice!. You created a good visual and used great lines like "puppet with too many strings"!. Although I found the "by far" part to be a bit forced to rhyme with the "are" in the line above, because it just doesn't seem to fit in that line too well!. I'd take that out!.
I didn't like how some lines rhymed and some just didn't!. I mean, it's a great poem, that's just always been a pet peeve in poetry of mine when rhyming just comes and goes!. I don't know why, because sometimes I even do that!. lol
I like how you did this, becuse it seems common for someone to write about this sort of thing, but you didn't use a lot of the old over used lines and added your own originality!. (haha, I just really like the puppet with too many strings part!. I've never heard that one!. It was brillant) But of course that wasn't the only line, there were others!.
I get what you mean by sadder poems are easier to write, because you can convey more emotion and thought into it!. Overall, I thought you did a great job with this! =)Www@QuestionHome@Com