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Question: A second writing, Does this still need work!?
"sinequanon 2"


Pale, beyond reproach,
Crowned with thorns,
Disregarding mere mortals,
Cold Immortal hands!.
Molten lips taste sweeter,
Love, who fears to greet her!?
Many men have died
So many times and ways!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This was great!. I agree about "mere mortals" and maybe you could switch out that whole line if you have trouble equating the phrase!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Just a bit!.!.!. try to find a different way to say "mere mortals!." That phrase has been so overused!. Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i would take somethings out!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

yes it seems it should have more at the endWww@QuestionHome@Com