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Question: How can I improve my Rondeau!?
"Open"
You cracked my heart made out of stone!.
I thought that I was fine alone,
but you saw past self-chosen fate,
Defied my word, beat down the gate,
from moonrise 'till again, sun shone!.
You heard my cry, "My pain's my own!
For it I must myself atone!"
You stood amidst that storm, sedate!.
You cracked my heart!.
My love is yours, it's love unknown,
but more than that, it's love unshown!.
The guilt I feel will soon abate,
your love gave power to create
a mind that does all fear disown!.
You cracked my heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I was going to say - Perfect, but you know me!.!.!.!.I got out my old fine tooth comb and gave this Rondeau a going over!.
So, your meter is perfect
You have maintained the theme throughout
You have got the 2 rhyming sounds, and the rhyming pattern correct, you have got the Refrain correct!.
!.!.!.!.!.I can feel your suspense!.!.!.!.horrible aren't I!?
This is the line I am going to challenge!.!.!.
from moonrise 'till again, sun shone!.!.!.!.!.!.there is a poetic name for a word which looks like a rhyme, but isn't - but, I can't think of it off the top of my head!. Any road up, shone doesn't rhyme with alone, stone etc!.
But, one tiny little slip in a perfect poem - so I will say three cheers for your Rondeau - join the Rondeau Gang!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The amazing thing about this Rondeau, aside from its beauty, is the fact that you learn structured poetry so quickly!. While I am trying to get away from structured poetry, you are working to get into it!. The inspiration found here and on Mars has given all of us the opportunity to learn, grow and improve our knowledge and skills!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Can't recall ever hearing a heart wounded by a crack before
but made of stone I guess that is what it would take, your
works are always an interesting read, a sack of zillons words
for lines along the same theme, yet none the same, that is
quite a feat!. and all,always comes together profound!. Kudos!Www@QuestionHome@Com
To perform "Open" heart surgery!.!.!. that is where this comes from!.!.!. being open is a hard thing for some to do!. But sometimes it is harder for someone who is open to accept that others can't be!.!.!.
There are no words to answer the emotions of this!.!.!. words never felt what we know!.!.!. WORLDS never knew what we have felt!.!.!.
Love,
not the overused word!.!.!.
but the under felt truth!.
I didn't crack your heart!.!.!.
I was just there when you found the ability to do it for yourself!.!.!.
Sobriety in Love is drunkenness in truth!.!.!. for even the most crystalline hearts can find an embrace to hold to!.!.!.
the coldest eyes can be seen, by some, as pure beauty!.!.!.
You always were my Beautiful!.!.!. not because of ownership!.!.!. but because of the under felt truth that we did not chose!.!.!.
Hell, if we had chosen our path!.!.!. would we be here now!.
You said you would probably **** it up!.!.!. I say, when you do, if you think you will, I will be there when it is all over, standing with open arms!.!.!. We ALL know none of us are perfect!.!.!.
I!. Love!. You!. Eva!.!.!.!.!.!.!. and I always have!.!.!.
P!.S!. BTW, the poem was brilliant, heart-felt and wondrous, as you have always been!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Finally, a poem of a cracked heart that is not depressed! It is a joy of opening to something one never felt they could open up to!.!.!. I have still got chills!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well, now I'm going to have to look up "rondeau", but I love the poem!. Lots of emotion, and the power of love shines through!.
*HEY! What happened to my avatar!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well spoken, as usual!. Two words that to me did not seem to work were sedate and unshown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This I haven't tried yet!. Maybe someday!. Dondicrostics looked easier!.Www@QuestionHome@Com