Position:Home>Poetry> Poems "cursed" and "alone"?
Question: Poems "cursed" and "alone"!?
Sitting in shadow!.
All alone!.
Is where you will find me!.
Atop my throne!.
Pain is slowly killing me
Over love ones lost!.
Wondering if love is worth the cost!.
As I sit upon my throne!.
I slowly die inside!.
For love ones that I've known!.
Will never sit next to my throne!.
So I sit in a shadow
Alone!.
Cursed with pain I've never known
______________________________________!.!.!.
Oh I wish someone would care!.
Can you save me from this despair!?
I'm so alone!.
Will you be my friend!?
I'm on my own!.
Will you be there for me until the end!?
I'm so depressed!.
Will you save me from the unknown!?
I'm in pain!.
Can you stop me from cutting this vain!?
If only someone would care!.
Because no one is ever there!.
If only…Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Great keep it up,pure emotion best sort of poetry!. just write from the heart,its how you feel about certain things in your life,thats whats so nice about poetry,its your and yours truly,and no one can take that away from you !!
i give it 9/10,for emotional content,with pure conviction,honesty!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sad :[ are you okay!?
BUT ANYWAY!. The poetry!.
Umm, you need to work on the rhyming!. Sorry but some of it is a serious stretch, and it takes a lot away from the professionalism of the poem!. Maybe look up some more creative words in a thesaurus!? also, there's a lot of repetitiveness throughout, especially in the first poem!. So I'd try to fix that !.!.!. just replace a few sentences!.
You did a good job at expressing the emotion though, I can tell that it came from the heart!.
Keep writing, the more you practice the better you'll get!. I hope you're doing alright!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Okay, a few comments!.!.!.first of all, get rid of the blank lines between the lines!.!.!.it makes the poem come off choppy!. Second, brevity!. Remember, you're trying to say the least that needs to be said in order to convey the thoughts!. The first poem could be condensed to about 6 lines, the second to about the same number!. Poetry is a deliberate art!.!.!.every word, every line break, every phrase, should be "required" and be as crisp and clear as possible!. Do not repeat ideas unless your poem is about repetition!.!.!.if you didn't say it right the first time, correct that attempt!. Keep your poems subtle and avoid cliche!.!.!."show", don't "tell"!.!.!.don't tell us your depressed or lonely, create an image that "shows" us you're lonely!.!.!.don't say, "I'm in pain", say, "a heart is riven", don't say "I'm so alone", say "I'm a weed in a field of roses"!.!.!.create images that convey the message!.
Your poem is a good attempt, but you can do better, I'm sure!. Keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com