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Question: Poem in progress!.!.!.What do you think!? (Constructive criticism welcome)!?
Rotting in unbearable confusion
What is ocurring in the mind of an abusive alcoholic!?
Hard liqour comes first, family second!.
Have I missed something here!?
Please, just let me in on the secret!.
I'm forced to leave the room
"You need to come out and socialize"
The smile across my face says, "Everything is okay"
But the feelings I'm expeirencing deep in my heart,
Deep in my soul,
In my brain,
In the millions of cells in my body
I can feel it!.!.
I can feel myself slowly dying inside
Yet, at the same time
There's this burst of hatred
Of rage
Of Fury!.
Directed towards this man called "Dad"
What has become of this!?
On my knees,
Begging God please Make!.This!.Stop
For I don't know how to act around these actions
Open, gulp, Chug and another can has vanished
Down his throat,
This poisonious liquid missed his brain,
Studdered at his heart
And released in to the liver
As he sways back and forth,
Eyes so lazy,
Mind so shaky
I wonder if he relizes what he's done
To his family that has left him
To drown in his own mind,
Indulging every last drop
It's obvious there's many fight to come
Will there ever be a night
Where a hand will streak across my face!?
Who am I to know!?
I've lost near everything now
Yet, I've been told
That everything will be alright!.
You see, I try to search for the positive
In every single thing
But this night,
This very night,
I have searched and searched
and found nothing but a bottomless pit
When will I awake from this nightmare!?
Is this what was supposed to happen!?
I had everything going for me
and with a stupid decision
****** it up without a bit of grace
But that is just a memory now
for this is whats happening before my eyes
Ten alcoholics scaring me for life
This!.
Right here and right now!.
My life!.
The Ultimate test of faith
As the collection of bottles add up
And meaningless fights start to begin
My lip quivers
Body softly shaking
Tears start to well
Hands so numb
I don't know where to go from here!.!.
Blindfolded, finding my way through the maze
Feeling around for the way out
Many thorns along the way!.!.
Please God, oh please get me out of this HellWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's an amazing poem!. The amount of passion and emotion in it make it full of potential to be an amazing poem worthy of publishing!. I have a few tips, both good and bad:

-Good: I love how you use your wording to convey emotion!! For instance:
Directed towards this man called "Dad"!.
I love this because it shows that you find him unworthy of being your father, almost like he isn't your father, and you show such disgust and anger in one little line!. I love that!. It shows that you have amazing talent as a writer!.
-Bad: The way you positioned the line breaks makes the poem almost seem just lazy!. A little more formatting would make the poem more presentable, comprehensible, and professional!.
-Good: The ending was very interesting, and far, far better then most writers and their endings!. It was graceful and emotional and metephorical!! I love the "Many thorns along the way!."

Great job! You are a great writer!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i dont have constructive criticisum!. You express your feeling very well!. I feel your pain!. I will pray for you!. Just remember to be a better person and forgive!. take care my friendWww@QuestionHome@Com

longWww@QuestionHome@Com

i wont lie!.!.!.i think you tried too hard!.!.!.!.but if its how you feel!.!.!.then get it off your chest!.!.!.!. xxxxoWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's overwritten as far as poems go!. But for what you had to say you did it very well!. Half way through the poem it got very good!. You could cut some of it out without losing the soul of your poem!.
Bless your heart- it sucks when you have to watch someone you love drown their own life and take yours down in the wake!.
Keep writing- if the poem is about your real life- then writing is a good way to keep your head above water!.Www@QuestionHome@Com