Position:Home>Poetry> A final rewrite for this couplet from poem. does it work.?
Question: A final rewrite for this couplet from poem!. does it work!.!?
"a son"
Hiding in the open, on the western side of the hills,
butterflies , starlight, and New Hampshire whippoorwills!.
Each shooting star,is another childs wish made,
while off in the distance, the days end has now starts!.
Our eyes locked together, as if for all time,
I look deep down in them , I look for a sign!.
The touch of your lips, our very first kiss,
Our bodies entwined, sanguine, full of hope!.
Butterflies in my stomach, fireworks in my head,
The kiss I had dreamnt of, your lips oh so red!.
I'll remember this day for as long as I live,
One single kiss, a beginning, a promise I made!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
yes it is brilliant!.!.!.!.i love this poem!.!.!.u r a born writer!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. Only one thing i would suggest changeing,
second line of the second stanza, "the days end has now starts" I don't know if it was a typo or something, it just doesn't sound right to me!.
But it was really good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Beautiful, my grandson loves to wish on stars!. It is a great poem!. Thanks!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's not bad
not your usually style
I like this oneWww@QuestionHome@Com
Everything works for you!. You've commanded the world and drawn us into your vortex!. Now you sling us up mightily and easily into your dreams with the force of storm winds!. Poems roll off your beady brow where others merely sweat!. You chronical your life and words overtake your reality!. Inverted now, your written word is more you than the you of which you write!. You lay huge steaks of fresh beef, live lobster, bursting heads of lettuce, exotic spices, magical incantations before us!. You engage a booster rocket onto our comfortable armchairs and rip us out of the mundane, catapulting us into other galaxies!. From the inside out, you conduit a cosmic flow that spirals our minds and turns our heads!. We look to the right, we look to the left and the world has turned!. You are the engine of the culture, and your message is truth!. When there's nothing left to give, give yourself, and that, indeed, is the most precious gift of all!. Truth tears at our souls and lingers long, singing long into our nights!. The passionate unspeakable embrace of the human spirit one with another is life, life itself!. Don't stop now; don't stop now!. Thanks Steve!.Www@QuestionHome@Com