Position:Home>Poetry> I think you will like this or do you?
Question: I think you will like this or do you!?
I will set around me a hovering mist
And lock away in its dew drops,
The beautiful memories of this very moment
And the ones we've had
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Let every wisp of sweet scented breeze
Unlock them for me
Let me relive them
With the same euphoric delight
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Let their cool showers quench me in loneliness
Like little dimples on scorched dry sand
By the first few drops from the rains in June
Forever!.!.!.!.and everWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
If you're going to give this to someone you love why tell them you are lonely!? You want to tell them you want them near don't you!? I like it all but that line!. It seems out of place--going against what you said you were going to do with it!. If you love someone then let them into your heart forever and ever!. Just a thought!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I still like your image of "little dimples on scorched dry sand" the best :) Take a look at the last line of stanza one!.!.!.it needs something!.!.!.it just ends to quickly!. also, the last line of the poem is almost anticlimatic!.!.!."forever and ever" is too short a concept (even if it is "forever")!.!.!.you need something more there!. The rest is okay, but the end should echo in your audience's head!.!.!.and it doesn't!.!.!.the second to last line is very good, but it needs a partner to keep it going!.
!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
I do like this and the other poems I read tonight also! Writing tonight has done me some good as well! Good night!
For more poetry--just keep on writing, and once in a while!.!.
Do some reciting! Good night!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think I do like it!. It would be great for meditation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
yeah it is pretty goodWww@QuestionHome@Com