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Question: Would you help me make it better, Prt VII!?
-Sin Seeker_
*Part VII
“The Crown will seek you out for this,”
His warning sprang up through the calm
“I must make hast to share my caution
before we hear the hounding gong!.”
He bade me sit to heed his terms
of all that he might show in part
and from his words I saw his pain
bleeding out from care-struck heart
“From birth I bore an awful oath
set me by your present masters
to slay the ones who bore the mark,
with issued sword of alabaster!.
Once I held the title Vengeance
till the day I met the Miir
I wish to give this path to the
a chance, escape from here!.”
From a stoneBox he pulled a parchment
scrawled upon were roads and glens
A hidden way into the valley
he told me would help make amends
To Be Continued…
Once I began I never looked back!
AMY G, because of your interest, I desire to go on in this…
Blessed Be, SirenWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ah Ha! Ah Ha! I understand, the first few now make sense!. This character, whoever they may be, servant to King Judgment and Queen Self-Righteousness inflicting punishment upon those who have sinned, using Vengeance!. Very good, very insightful!. And the Miir, for those who don't know, think of how it sounds!. The Mirror!. She is going to meet her mirror!? At least I think!. This will be very interesting!. I must have more, give us more, more MOOOORE!. Sorry, that was my overenthusiastic nature asserting itself!.!.!.for this decade!. You won't see it again!. *ahem*Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh, I am so happy to be instrumental in perpetuating this wonderful tale!. And so a journey begins, "a hidden way into the valley"!. You have kept up the suspense to very well, it only increases as the poem goes on!. I wonder if you could illuminate the "Miir" for me!? The rest is told with beautiful clarity and eloquence!. I am loving this!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
"i wish to give this path to "The""!? did you mean thee!?
I read it that way!.!.!.
Now we go deeper!.!.!. who is the Miir!? These questions are going to be what keeps me hooked!.!.!. and that's how it's supposed to be!.!.!.
Thanks again for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
L3!. "Hast makes wast!." Try "haste,'' it shows good taste!.
L14!. "Miir!?" What is this!?
L 15,16!. There's a mistake here somewhere!. Where!?
The tension mounts!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Other than simple editing for proper mechanics, I have no other suggestion to make it better!. Just keep going, I'm hooked!.
I was unable to read parts one through four, but I'm still hooked!.
I no I'm getting on your nerves about punctuation, but it's only because it's something that I recently learned was important in poetry!. My creative writing instructor last quarter kept drilling me about it!. Sound is all important in poetry and proper punctuation adds to the rhythm -- caesuras and enjambments and all that!. The lack of it doesn't really hurt MY reading, it's just something that needs to be addressed, as my teacher would say -- "poetry has rules, you have to show that you know those rules before you bend them"!. If you start looking you'll notice it in every good published poem!.
I'll keep an eye out for the next one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com