Position:Home>Poetry> My poem 'Lunar Night' please rate give opinions?

It is very visualy compelling!. You paint a very nice picture!. Is that all you were going for!? It seems as if you wanted to say more but didn't have the words for it!. It does not feel to me that the her in the next to the last line is referencing the moon in a waning phase, it almost seems as if you are talking about a person!. If so, I like the moon imagry, but it could be expanded on!. Overall I give it a 10 for imagry, an 8 for process, overall a 9 of 10!. Excellent job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Beautiful -- imagery to weep for as the willow does!.
A couple of edits -- wasn't sure which you wanted it to be
a bear of laying bare!? Moth's path also!. They are in caps!.
Darks is an unusual use of the word dark, yet it works well!.

Lay {BEAR or BARE} on a hillside enrich the deepest darks
mirrored on a shattered lake of glass,
broaden the night congress among stars!.
Willow trees weep to a waters edge
a dozen brown moths flutter beyond,
golden dust falls by leaves a {MOTH'S} chosen path <--
our full moon beauty mysteriously bound!.
My golden moon once was our relic
shone down a gleaming charm on silver lined sky,
her years of glory, eclipsing, rotating, waiting,
though shortening, shattering, soon to die!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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wow, that is very detailed and makes a clear image in my mind!. it captivates me into a dreamish place in the night sky surrounding me, with only the moon to show upon me, oops sorry, well from 1-10 id give it probably a nine or nine and a half, the reason is that i dont quite get if she is dead or dying!. when the line "her years of glory" is read it makes it seem that she is already dead, but then i read "soon to die" so it seems that she is going to die!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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VERY GOOD! Lots of descriptionWww@QuestionHome@Com

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THAT'S AWESOME! You did really well! I love your poems!. They're so good! =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

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