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Question: Help!.!. I need poetry criticism!?
This is the poem!.!. I would like feedback to see how you like it and where it needs to improve!. :)
I hate you so much
why do you like seeing me cry
why do you like seeing me moments from dieing
while your sitting back laughing and sighing
I'm lymphing on my knees
eyes fogging i can barely see
my blood cascading all on the floor
I grabbed you leg, and you kicked me more
you grabbed me by the neck and slammed me on the wall
you took a knife and stabbed me in the arm
you watched my blood run
as if there was no harm
you saw me sway
you saw my life, future breathe took away
you watched me fall to the ground and die
and still you continue to live a big lie
I'm watching you in heaven
and I see your deceitful ways,
your living many numerous lies
and still you continue to act like everything's alrightWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Oh, my God, I am crying!!!
Well it does need a lot of corrections Sweetie! However, I need to compose myself first!!!!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's very bad as "poem" i'm afraid to say!. But as a letter or diary entry it's ok!. If you are serious about becoming a poet and improve on writing, visit poetry forums like: http://www!.poetrywriters!.net
and forums like this where poets gather to help each other become better writers!. Don't only visit once then leave because you dont like criticism, if you want to learn read and take advice, good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Now this!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. is a friggin' poem! Nice job!.
But!.!.!. do yourself a favor and capitalize each line, and break it up in parts, too!. It was very hard to read this, all mixed together!.
But it got my attention, I'd love to know what inspired this!. It's like it came from a person who recently died and wants to express anger!. Awesome!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It has a flowing theme but needs more simalies and metaphors!.!.!.more embelishments!. It also has some problems with grammar, repetition, and flow!. I believe it is a passable rough draft, just work with it and see how it develops! Good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com
You have many spelling errors and misused words, and the rhyming scheme seems forced and unnatural in the poem!. I'd suggest not having it rhyme!. I do like the theme!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
nice, a strong poetry
rhymes are there but needs more checking
spelling needs correction
word formation and stanzas need checking too
really gr8, keep it upWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it! It's from the heart and reallly expresses emotion!Www@QuestionHome@Com