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Position:Home>Poetry> I'm no good with poetry.. i was wondering if you could do something with thiQuestion: I'm no good with poetry!.!. i was wondering if you could do something with this!.!.!.!? The day, i let you walk away
the day, i let you say goodbye the day, when you needed me to tell you exactly how i felt i left it too late you were there, holding on to the last thread i let go, mistakenly i never meant to do it but i couldnt hold on forever i knew you were fadingWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: You know the most superb thing about writing poetry!? Is that you write straight from the heart!. what you feel at that moment!. that is the beauty of poetry, you get to express your self!.Www@QuestionHome@Com You have good poetic instincts, the tenor of the poem and your start is actually a very good communication of emotion!.!.!.the only thing that gave me pause was the last line of the first stanza!.!.!."i left it too late"!.!.!.what is "it"!? "what" did you leave too late!? I'm missing something important here!.!.!.it would seem that you left it "unsaid" perhaps, or that you left too "early", or you left it's saying until it was too late!.!.!.but the wording is unclear on this!. The second stanza is very well done as far as flow and content, although I'm not sure about the line break of the first line!.!.!.it seems a little long!.!.!.as if it wanted to be two lines!. Since you're not rhyming, why not just make the second stanza a six lined stanza!? The comma between "there" and "holding" is a natural break and what follows could certainly be a separate line!. Just a nuance you might want to consider!. !.!.!.otherwise, well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com why change it!? I thought it was superb! Poetry isn't necessarily making it more verbose or long!.!.!. It's simply being able to create an effective piece that is able to communicate emotions and ideas in a flexible readily intepretable manner!. Poetry is often recognised as a medium then a text type, because of the flexibility and limited conventions for free verse poetry, the more prevailing and dominant one!. This poem was excellent and i think making it small such as this complied so greatly to the issue of repent and the recognition of a mistake, (presumably the persona never made it to support a loved one before that person passed away) This particular issue and theme was well executed and the last line was a great way to top it, particularly by making it seem as though the persona was trying to overcome their grief by reassuring themselves about that person's death!. In this case, the persona is saying that she couldn't have been their for that person forever and it was fate he or she left!. I think this poem is quite intricate despite the limited description, but the imagery is still vivid and strong!. I think this poem is a great example of 'more is less' which is saying that this poem is condensed and packed with emotion and passion despite the small size!. All in all, excellent poem!! I think there is no room for improvement because the general simplicity of the language complied so well to it!. Great job!!Www@QuestionHome@Com Oh, how I regret the day I let you walk away The day I let you say goodbye… The day when you needed me, I couldn’t say I just couldn’t tell you exactly how I felt, why or why!? Did I have to leave it too late to say I truly care! You were there, holding on to the last thread, I let go, mistakenly and an evil wind blew you away I never meant to do it, oh, how my heart bled! But I couldn’t hold on forever, now I have no words to say I knew you were fading, fate had a cruel role to play that day!!!!.Www@QuestionHome@Com If you need another verse, try this one: Days have gone by Stars scatter on the night sky I can never forget you No matter what I do It's because you're too good to be true I know you've faded I know you've flown But I wish I've known How to keep you And not to let go No matter where you are No matter where I am I know you still care All the time Even when you're not there!. Okay, to be honest not really that good, but hopefully it can suffice!. :DWww@QuestionHome@Com I'm not all that good with poetry either but I'll be glad to help!. To tell you the truth, I think that is really good!. It came from the heart, and from the heart is true poetry!. It's really good hun, I think you should keep it the way it is right now!. ?!.blondyWww@QuestionHome@Com I let you walk away!. I let you say goodbye!. You held onto that last single thread needing to hear what was in my head!. I left it too late!. I made a mistake!. What I felt in my heart was love right from the start!.Www@QuestionHome@Com as a poet i can not rewrite it for you but to tell the truth there is no need it sounds really good a little short but good reach deeper you will find it down there waitingWww@QuestionHome@Com no!!.!.i can never tell you ,what you should do with ur poetry!!.!. poetry is feelings & what ur thinking at the time!!.!. You're expressing !!!.!.!.awesome poem!!!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |