A short poem of mine called 'White Hunter' please comment it?

Question: A short poem of mine called 'White Hunter' please comment it!?

White Hunter

Sunken depths of darkness
Striking helpless prey
Stalking, severing, savaging,
Stale flesh from pale white bone
Stricken by rotting fish
Savoring, swimming, starving,
Soul white hunter lured by blood
Shadowing curious flocks
Silent, scoping, sprawling,
Searching for its soul mate
Swarming swollen seas in silence!.
Stranded, struggling, soulless!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This poem is quite interesting!. It paints a vivid picture of the shark that you are trying to describe!. I can definitely feel the raw emotion and powerful savagery of the creature!. Your words capture that perfectly!. Plus I love how your use of alliteration mimics the darting motion of the shark!. This reminds me of another brilliant poem that I read last week which used its rhythm to show the pouncing movements of a kitten!.

The only thing I'm not so sure about is its rhythm which feels too disjointed at times!. Maybe if you tweak it a bit more - it will be even more impressive!. Other than that, this is solid stuff in my book!. Ravaging!

"In the depths I lie in wait,
for souls of mortals that heavens create!.
With every breath I hear them sigh,
I long to sing them lullabies!.!.!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW
I love it! ^-^
yaaaaaaaay another great poem =3
LOL I am kinda hyper right now!.!.!.really like it
good use of words and beautifully written
I like it!.!.^-^

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?!.·′?!.·*′¨) ?!.·*¨)

(?!.·′ (?!.·′ * Miyuki*Www@QuestionHome@Com

Again they're awesome! You amazing at these!Www@QuestionHome@Com

interesting, good usage of words! i love it!Www@QuestionHome@Com