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Question: Please rate and tell me your opinions on my work!?
I behold a vivid country,
With no ruler set as shown!.
With a rising population of,
Thoughts and do's that roam!.
From beginning up till now,
Yet more-so now than then!.
Controversy's stirred up vex
And this country must learn zen!.
Thou shalt teach me discipline!?
But bring color to my eyes!?
Thou shalt show me right from wrong!?
Yet far from picking sides!?
Thou shalt keepeth me from lows!?
But don't keep me long in highs!.
My country's cold to hearts so,
That's born to quickly die!.
I wish to care, on my own
My country I posses!.
Improve and love thy kingdom,
And as do for all the rest!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The thing I feel is most important in poetry is the message, and I love your message! Your simple structure gives your poem a very logical, easy to follow sort of flow!. I like the use of juxtaposition throughout: born and die, highs and lows, nows and thens, vex and zen!.!.!.and you rhyme with them! I'm very impressed!. If I have any criticism, it's that the meaning of your last line isn't clear to me!.!.!.could be because it's 1:22 am, and I have finals all next week, but I don't know what "And as do" refers to, nor what all the rest is!. Is it intentionally ambiguous!?
also, if you'd like someone to network with on your poetry, just email me!. I'd love to correspond with you! I, too, am a poet!.Www@QuestionHome@Com