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Question: Perfect!.!.!.!.!.!.!.any comments!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!?
Perfect
Do you know,
I think of your smile!.
The curve of your lips!.
Just a touch crooked!.!.!.
Perfect on you!.
Do you know,
I think of your hands!.
Carressing me,
holding me tight!.!.!.
Perfect on me!.
Do you know,
I think of your lips!.
Kissing every part of me,
whispering in my ear!.!.!.
Perfect night!.
Do you know,
I think of your body!.
Protecting me,
in unison we move!.!.!.
Perfect for us!.
Do you know,
I think of your eyes!.
the way you look at me,
the love in them!.!.!.
Perfect on you!.
Do you know,
I think of you!.
Everyday,
with every tear!.!.!.
Perfect sadness!.
Do you know,
I miss you!.
All of you,
every little bit!.!.!.
Perfect longing!.
Do you know,
That I love you!.
The last one I posted from my past!.!.!.This one my future!.
Rough draft though!.!.!.!.!.!.All comments welcome:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It is hard to critique an emotional and toucing piece and besides I do not see anything to critique!. Except to say that Mr!. Right will be there someday and will he be lucky to have someone like you! Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, what I'd like to see!.!.!.though!.!.!.is more critiques on your lover's imperfections!.!.!.
1) Ideally we don't get it right(In life, or love)after the first mistake or two!.!.
2) Ideally, I'd like to see the poem reflect that thought!.!.!.!.and two-thirds of the stanza's are about him/you or both of you seeking perfection but coming up short:
2a) example:
Do you know,
I think of your smile!.
The curve of your lips!.
Just a touch crooked!.!.!.
3) Though in the next-line you call 'crooked' a perfection; I would stay true to this form at least two-thirds of the way through then maybe the last six to eight lines do away with words that imply (imperfection)!.!.!.
4) I think you'll be pleased with the result, because I'm sure you'll find that both of you (ideally) see each other as perfect for one another, though in the beginning you haven't experienced that (perfection) in your heart of hearts as of yet!. As the stanzas(poem/relationship) goes on you slowly evolve to the experience that you love His perfect-imperfections, yet you don't use words such as crooked anymore; because what you see before you is redefining (perfect) in new terms of (experience)!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yes, this is 'Perfect' - well, almost!.
Caressing has one r - anything else!? Let me see!.
I think of your body,
protecting me!.
In unison we move!.!.
and -
Do you know
that I love you!? question
or
Do you know
I love you!. statement
Not much wrong there, lass!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Who wouldn't find this paradigm lover perfect!? I know this will come true for you, for you have so much to offer!. I think this is quite lovely the way it is!. The imagery is very sensuous and delicately erotic!. Very nice!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow tis is beautiful!. it draws me in completely and i just want to read on forever!. "perfect sadness" "perfect longing" I love this poem!. whoever you wrote it for should be truly grateful heh xWww@QuestionHome@Com
Love does make the world go round
and each is paramount to the beholder
I never think of any thing as perfect
but your poem reads as a taste of heaven!
Kudos!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Do you know
This poem is great
I feel this way
Yes, everyday
Perfection perfectedWww@QuestionHome@Com
Do you know
how your words haunt me,
day and night,
no respite!?
Perfect poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's very good!. I enjoyed it!. I like poems like this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com