Position:Home>Poetry> OPEN! Hey, I'm 14 and looove writing! Please comment!?
Question: OPEN! Hey, I'm 14 and looove writing! Please comment!!?
You push yourself up
off of the the floor,
your first steps- you made it!
Your parents have a look of adore
in their eyes!.
Then, with a bang,
you slam down on the floor!
But you can't hang
there, no, you pick up the pieces,
you get right back up there with ease,
and Try Again!.
Life is made up of challenges like these,
moments that try our strength!.
Obstacles that seem as vast as the ocean,
with effort, will grow smaller in length!.
Life gets hard, sure,
but thats no reason to give up hope!.
With devotion and passion,
you'll learn how to cope!.
The test will be hard,
but as long as you believe,
the courage you have
will be your dire reason !. !. !.
to succeed!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
hey, i am also 14 and love to write!. i think you need to work on where you start and finsh a sentence!. but if you would like to use my work as an example, emial me at hotshotcloe@yahoo!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com
your poetry has a jerky quality to it that you dont pull off well!. Its not bad just could be better!. A good example of good use of this stop and go style would be t!.s!. elloit and e!.e!. cummings!. There is a certain flow that you want to obtain!. Read these two poets and it will help you understand that!. You have several grammatical errors but no worse then some of the college papers i have gone over!. keep up the good work and read lots of poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A 'look of adore', doesn't make sense, I'm afraid!. It would be 'adoration' and yes, I know that spoils your rhyme!.
Why don't you relax the rhyming and just try to tell a story, try a prose poem and concentrate on the imagery and metaphor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, it's optimistic and pleasant to read and considering your age this is a very good poem!. One little grammatical point though, you don't have a look of "adore" in your eyes, it's a look of "adoration"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Reach high,for if you fall short ,you shall land on a star!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Keep it up,if its in you ,you will sell novels darling!.!.!.!.!.!.Poetry comes in all shapes and formsWww@QuestionHome@Com
I agree with the others
brilliant poem!
I've tried writing before!. I can build on something if I'm given a subject but i am rubbish at writing out of the blu!. I'm the same at writing Poems as writing books!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No too bad for 14!. Keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
lol i dont get it =S
!.!.xWww@QuestionHome@Com
hey i thinks its awsome i dont care what the other people saidWww@QuestionHome@Com
You have a nice poem with a little rhythm going on!. I do like it!. I have a sugestion though!. Do not be too religious about rhymes!. Your prose and meaning is very important!. Sometimes poems do not have to rhyme to make the impression - Example:
I saw it first in Boston
Sweet love falling as snow on ice
Looking through Boston windows of Somerville
From the warmth of her living room
The steam of hot chocolate dancing to the roof
Brushing my face with hot prejudicial kisses
Whilst they mocked the cold outdoors
Had I that right
Then I would linger longer
But I just stood there holding my cup
As she looked at me with misty eyes
Last time over…
Waiting anxiously for the honk of a taxi
Only to hate the guy for coming soon
Much less an AA’s Logan flight
That takes love on wings of night
Tomorrow will be Christmas
One day too soon
And loved ones for me also wait
At home where I should be
A world apart from here
Next year maybe
On some other special day
We could roast turkey for Thanksgiving
Be trick-or-treat children at Halloween
But still…
Not enough to dry her tears
That aches my broken heart
Cause you see
Boston love is ChristmasWww@QuestionHome@Com